Holy Crap, the Man's a Freak!

So, Is It Over?: look, either Alberto Contador's a total genetic freak and his DNA is half-cheetah, or he's been ingesting the entire domestic output of the Spanish cow industry for the last 14 years of his life. Either way, the question remains: barring total catastrophe, like his bike spontaneously combusting into flaming dust every day at the bottom of the Dolomites, or Menchov and Nibali ramping up on even worse !@#$ than Contatwerp's (allegedly! but he isn't really!) taking, is it already time to award the final maglia rosa pack it up and all go home for this Giro? Me, I'm convinced that if I weigh in with "yes," he'll totally accidentally be run over back-and-forth repeatedly by the Liquigas team car on the way back to the hotel this afternoon, but I gotta admit, it ain't lookin' good for the rest of 'em. Oh well, at least Garzelli already admitted he's only "going for a stage win"! Meantime, Alberto, how many !@#damn times do we have to say this--your legs are *already* doing the talking, would you CUT IT OUT with that !@#damn snot-nosed "pistolero" crap before the Italians really get pissed and drain half your freakin' blood out lookin' for evidence every night?

Oh, All Right, It's the Amgen EPO You Suck For Screwing the Giro Tour of California: y'know, if it's *still* gonna be snowy in May, you might as well make the peloton cut the whining and move the stupid thing back to February, but since there's guys I actually like in the race--and it *is* becoming a useful way to scope out the emerging forms of the Giro-skippin' Tour de France riders--I guess I'd be even more of an !@# than usual if I didn't at least acknowledge it, so here's the scoop: Thor, Dave Z, Ryder, Horner, Tejay, Hincapie, Christian, Levi, Oscar Freire, and, best of all, Jens are riding it, stage 1's hilly, stage two's mostly downhill then flat, and after that, I'm just too darned annoyed to report for now. You go, Dave Z--and where exactly the hell's the fun in this race if Tom Boonen's not riding it this year?

Damage Control: finally, I see UCI's finally focusing on issues of substance related to doping in the peloton: how exactly WADA can nail the bastards who keep making the rider-protecting hypocrite enablers at UCI look bad by leaking, well, true stuff. Glad to see the war on drugs is on target, UCI! Next up: UCI shuts down the factory that made Alberto Contador's socks the day he got caught doping at the Tour de France. You *show* 'em, UCI you bad-!@#es!