In Which Tom Boonen (Sorta) Breaks My Heart; It's the Tour o' Belgium, Honey!; and, Enter to Win!

The Classics Hardmen Return!: wondering what's become of all yer spring-king Classics faves? Yep, from new-dad Philippe Gilbert, still fighting the curse of the rainbow jersey, to kinda-besmirched LL Cool Sanchez, to Fabian Cancellara and injury-plagued we love Tom Boonen, they're all lining up to reclaim their dignity at this week's Tour o' Belgium. Hell, the weather can't be worse than at the Giro, right? This oughta be a skip-through-a-field-o'-daisies for you guys!

Bite Me, Lefevere You Tool!: well, Happy Birthday to Cav, who got to celebrate his 28th not only with a bitchin' cake in the red jersey, but the news that not only is former maillot vert Tom Boonen not riding the Tour de France to back him up as Cavendish so desired, but he's probably not gonna ever ride it again, either. Quoth his backstabbing manager, Patrick Lefevere, who so happily bragged about Boonen's incredible 2012 after dope-slapping in the press for 2 straight years prior, "a rider who fears a three-week race, do not force him to change his mind." Thanks for calling your own star a simpering wuss, you mercenary goon! Oh, Tommeke, how can we get your last season's joie de vivre back..I mean, if you're serious about staying off the party drugs and all, maybe some nice general carousing and a new Ferrari to play with might cheer you up?

Geez, What Does *That* Take?: meantime, several riders, including Euskaltel-Euskadi breakway artist Gorka Verdugo, were busted and fined today at the Giro for "unseeming behaviour which damages the image of cycling." Awesome, forza Gorka! So what the heck does that mean--tossing a musette into your rival's crankset at the intermediate mountains points? sucker-punching that guy running next to you in a bunny suit like an !@#hole? improper noogying? Well, whatever the lurid sin, Euskaltel sure ain't talkin'!

Naranja, The Colour of Competition: heck, does it even matter what they're saying? It's a tribute to the Orange Army, and Euskaltel--woo-hoo!

Predict the Giro Podium and Win!: finally, enter here to predict the podium, gain eternal glory, and win neat stuff!

*That's* a Freakin' Rest Day?

Pippo, Suave: well, it's sure been an action-packed day o' rest at the Giro d'Italia: while maglia rosa Vincenzo Nibali remains cagey, Cadel Evans professes (not unreasonably) optimism, and the weather looks to toss the GC into chaos as mountain stages continue on the verge of rearrangement, an Italian journalist excoriated humble Scarponi domestique/comelier-than-thou peloton studpup Pippo Pozzato as a vain, lazy, glasses-and-shoe-matching, tv-whoring prima donna, and an angry hosed breakaway rider from Bardiani called him a "mafioso" for allegedly organizing a screw-the-organizers temporary race-slowdown to (not unfairly, for heck's sake) protest dangerous conditions on Mont Cenis. Of course, the entire twitsphere, including the gallant Taylor Phinney, immediately leapt to his defense. Try picking on someone less pretty (and charming) next time, jerkface!

Only the Good Die (Well, Retire) Young: and, in 'retirement' news, poor teamless Levi Leipheimer finally called it quits while guys who profited amazingly handsomely for doing the same disgusting !@#$ but didn't actually get busted for it twice continue in the peloton, as if that makes any sense, and Heras'-Vuelta-thieving weasel Denis Menchov unexpectedly called it a career over "knee trouble." In addition to his impressive palmares, Menchov also managed to rack up a 9-out-of-10 on the doper-suspicion scale in recent years, a truly stellar achievement considering the A-list competition on that front. Don't worry, Denis--'fess up a little, sniffle up a storm, and a lucrative DS gig should soon be yours!

Get In the Kitchen and Make Me Some Pie!: finally, it's really been heartwarming to see the total disregard for women's cycling this past week, as first that pig Wiggo bemoans his lack of manly descending skills, then the course at the Amgen EPO Tour of California isn't even wholly closed to traffic for the women's race, and lastly, the Tour de Languedoc screwed itself and half its amazing peloton by keeping the teams entirely in the dark as to whether they'd even be racing the damn thing right 'til it was time to clip in their freakin' pedals. One remaining bright spot: July's Giro Donne, with 20 teams and 160 riders set to start. What, some other race starts then too? Never heard of it!

It's the 2013 Giro d'Italia Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest Part 3!

Show Your Giro Genius and Win!: yep, y'all predict the final podium, you enter it here, your correct answer gets picked outta the Holy Once-Eroski Cap o' Destiny (no peekin' I promise!), and you win (1) a custom-embroidered cycling cap (2) a two-week rider insult moratorium on your peloton hero and (3)a wunk o' racejunkie stickers to adorn (deface, whatever) your chosen surfaces! In bocca al lupo a tutti!

We've Got a Winner!: and, complimenti to our Week Due winner Dan, who picked one of our two correct (one tragically) answers, "Samu won't win a stage this week," and "Euskaltel are gods." Dan, check yer email to claim yer prizes, and thanks for playing!

It's The Galibier, Baby!: Vincenzo Nibali Faces the Cold #giro

Lookin' Good Up There!: yep, it's the morning of the fateful (and snow-shortened) Galibier, baby, and here's the state of affairs as 6 a.m. this morning:

Nibali Takes It On: in related news, as fragile guys like Michele Scarponi froze so bad up the climb to Sestiere yesterday they were forced to cut off their interviews from shivering and glom their hands on their soigneur's necks to suck the warmth outta the poor sods, the impenetrable-to-cold Vincenzo Nibali, who alone among his bundled-up counterparts conquered the bitter mountain in a short-sleeved jersey and no gloves, announced yesterday in an official Team Astana press release that he's going to climb the Galibier today clad only in bike shoes and a jock strap. Vino been stickin' you in a meat locker for hours as punishment for poor training rides or something Nibali? Anyway, that major act o' psychological warfare--much less the breezy outfit--oughta scare the crap outta yer wimpy sun-lovin' competitors--forza, forza Vincenzo!

Here, the revised course:

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow (Just Not on the Freakin' Galibier!) #giro

You're As Cold As Ice: yep, after more'n a week in relentless pounding rain, the Giro d'Italia peloton finally gets a break: now that they're finally in the glorious (and race-determining) mountains, it's a blizzard instead! Upshot: to honestly the relief and agreement of the GC contenders, today's climb to Sestriere is cancelled, replaced by a summit finish at Jafferau. Unfortunately, looks like it'll still be raining in Bardonecchia, so bundle up anyway boys! Tomorrow: the beautiful and fearsome Galibier likely faces the axe, some silly thing over a "threat of avalanche." What, you guys don't want a little push on the descents--you've been complaining about 'em all week!

Gone With the Wind (Well, Rain Mostly): meantime, as Ryder Hesjedal (an honorable defense, Ryder!) tries to figure out what went wrong and Brad Wiggins recovers from his crap chest cold, Chris Froome has reportedly built an impenetrable bunker in the Sky team bus to protect his now-blown position as team leader in the Tour de France, cutting off access to the coffee machine, booby-trapping the chamois cream with hot red pepper flakes and armed with his trusty hipster-haircut-destroying buzz-cut clippers should Brad attempt a hostile takeover. Oh come on, Brad, be a sport--you hate the cold and wet, right, so why not just saute yerself over at the hot hot mountains at the Vuelta instead and leave Froomey to the Tour he's earned--of course, you'll have to keep up with your own teammates first!

Jeeeeens! Jeeeeeeeeens! Jeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnssssss!: finally, it's time for the Amgen EPO Tour o' California to just pack it up and go home, because once Jens Voigt wins a stage in one of his joyous slobbering Labrador-retriever-on-tennis-ball attackfests, really, despite Tejay putting in a rippingly exciting time trial yesterday and all, what's the point of anything else? Just give Jens his Kingship of the Entire Planet already, set the man up a sacred throne room in every country he visits, and commence the worship already!

And, Last Few Hours This Week, Enter to Win Here!

Will Samuel Sanchez Take the Stage? Enter to Win! #giro

Yeah, he's just been resting! Anyway, answer this week's question, brownnose me about fabulous Euskaltel, and enter here to win a dashing cycling cap and other prizes!

Garmin Gets Its Groove Back!; and, Enter to Win the 2013 Giro d'Italia Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest Part Due! #giro

Tyler's Back, Baby!: yes, it was great to see Garmin regroup at the Giro and Ramunas Navardauskas take a smashing--and surely team-cheering--win today. And it was fabulous to finally see Tyler Farrar, after so long a rough patch, look so happy and at home at the finish line again. But even better to me was that, whatever the hell is going on with Ryder Hesjedal--and whether or not he even continues another day at this point--he has, by sticking it this long, really honored the maglia rosa he fought to hard to win in the first place. Auguri Ryder, bravo Navardauskas, sei fortissimo Tyler--and damn, nice save there by Vaughters!

I Toldja, Froomey: and, it's lookin' grimmer'n even yesterday for Chris Froome's Tour de France ambitions, as Brad Wiggins fights off a suckmaster of a chest cold that, if he wants, could also form a hell of an excuse to bail outta the Giro to fire up the ol' engines for July. Dang, can't *anyone* at Sky keep these guys under control for ten minutes--or at least 'til Froome bails for a bazillion dollars somewhere else this summer?

News From The Riccardo Ricco' Utter Lack of Self-Preservation Department: look, I get it. You want to win the Tour de France, or Giro, or Vuelta, or Roubaix. And you'll do almost anything for it. But you are seriously going to allegedly risk developing a giant *tumor* just to be a freakin' last-chance domestique at Lampre?! Please guys--no matter what you're gonna win, or even warm the seats in the team bus for, it's just not that important. Now quit taking all this dangerous crap and please, please stay healthy instead!

Predict the Giro and Win!: yes, it's still Week 2 of our Giro d'Italia Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest--predict the Giro here, survive the Holy Once-Eroski Cap o' Destiny, and enjoy the prizes!

Watch Out, Froomey: Brad's Coming to Take His Tour Back! #giro

Back off, Beeyotch!: Well, Froome, if his constant strip-tease over whether he'll show you his team leadership at the Tour didn't convince you yet, this oughta do the trick: after a coupla lackluster days in the saddle, and even given his Colombian lieutenants' hasty diss that they're "not [you]" and don't plan to backstab Wiggo at the Giro, Sir Brad is tentatively possibly theoretically ready to support Rigoberto Uran Uran for the GC in the Giro. Uh oh, you know what *that* means--he no longer thinks he's fighting for number 1 in Italy, and whether or not he's suited to the course this year or not, he wants his chance at Paris *back*! No offense, Chris, but my money sez that if that guitar-twanging royal puts his foot down, you're gonna be tossed into the bushes like an empty drool-soaked water bottle. Well, I'm sure you won't mind giving Wiggo a hand (hell, a whole body) up the mountains in France--you sure were a good sport about it last year!

California Here I Come: meantime, over at the Amgen EPO Tour of California, stage-winning sprinter Peter Sagan playfully grabbed noted actor Robert Downey Jr.'s !@# at the podium presentation, upon which Downey immediately morphed into Iron Man and pounded Sagan 300 miles into the Earth's mantle with a single blow. Bonus--it took the focus off the extremely widespread and gnarly press coverage of poor Ivan Basso's nut-al region cyst. Anyway, Peter, be grateful that's all you got for yer shenanigans this time--and congrats on another great win!