All right, it's been an intriguing and often beguiling start to this year's Vuelta, with everyone damn near sobbing with joy over--well, why waste time on the intro, when we can just get right to it? Anyhow, here's the state of the race:
1. Gesink. Yes, you too teared up with good-sportsmanship vibes when Jumbo predictably bagged the opening team time trial and Rogla made sure that everyone loves Robert Gesink, who sure earned it with those monster pulls, took the inaugural red jersey. A nice reward for a selfless career!
2. Rogla. Considering he *just* crashed hard out of the Tour, he's coming quite nicely back into form, isn't he? Oh, sure, Evenepoel's got a week and a half on the rest of the field, but even without Sepp Kuss to haul you up the even meaner mountains to come, anything can happen and most usually does!
3. Covid. !@#$, like *9* guys just out *today* with covid? What the !@#$'s with the protocols? Then again, 21 stages, two countries, a coupla dozen hotels, giant entourages, and fans screaming a millimeter from yer face for 4000 meters uphill, really, what could go wrong?
4. Sam Bennett. Speaking of which, that *sucks* that our dual-sprint-snagger got taken out right when he was looking superb for the final green jersey in Madrid. Chapeau to perpetual class act Mads Petersen, now in green, for a class (temporary) farewell to a fierce competitor. Well, if it can't be Bennett's, I'm glad it's Mads'!
5. Jay Vine. I *know*, I *know*, Zwift. Like you'd've been paying attention if we hadn't all been so starved for even virtual cycling action the last coupla years. Still, translating that into two giant mountain triumphs--pretty impressive, whippersnapper!
6. Valverde. Oh, he's been pretty quiet so far. But don't you think he's gonna pull off one final stage to delight the fans enrage his detractors and probably hose one of his own teammates? *That's* why everyone loves Bala!
7. Mikel Landa. First, shut the hell up, you faithless heathens, you know who you are. Didja see he won Most Combative when he burned it up on that big breakaway? Right on Mikeeeeeeeeel--and we know you're *really* just saving it all for the third week!
8. Aupa Euskalteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!
9. Enric Mas. I bet you didn't think he'd be in second right now, did you? Me either, or you're just way-!@# smarter than me. Contador had his eyes on him since the start, though!
10. Yates, man. Full of surprises. He'll be even more surprisingy if he doesn't crack spectacularly on at least one day coming up, you think?
11. Evenepoel. I admire a blazing ride as much as anyone, but if nothing about Evenepoel's absolute rocket ship of an individual time trial today didn't at least mildly freak you out, this has gotta be your first rodeo, amirite? Learned my lesson when my beloved Heras started pulling that !@#$. In any event, it sure was a biiiiiiiiiiiiig margin over a pretty short course. I'm sure it's just the aero kit!
All righty, there's yer roundup. Tomorrow, one for the sprinter. Looking forward to it, Mads!
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