Thursday, May 26, 2011

Andy Schleck Freaks Out

Contador Gets His Break: yep, bad day for 2010 Tour de France 2nd place baby Schleck, as Contatwerp's lawyers convince the Court of Arbitration for Sport that they need more time to bull!@#$ the offic--that is, objectively evaluate the mounds of evidence so they can mount a wholly rational and believable defense, and, with a little mercy from the Tour organizers, our uphill nymph'll be right there at the start line in July. Sweet! Look, let's be honest--Contador's a thrill to watch, even non-cycling fans are starting to know who he is, he's easy on the eyes, he's got an epic palmares at an incredibly young age, and most of all, the whole sordid, slimy doping drama--whether we all sanctimoniously deny it or not--is a must-see train-wreck ratings cash-cow bonanza for the organizers, the broadcasters, the teams, the sponsors, and the Tour, and it is in no-one's, no-one's interest to !@#$ that up. !@#$, let Lance back for one more year with a needle pokin' out his shorts and we'll *really* have reason to celebrate--gentlemen, start yer syringes! Don't worry Andy, *any* rider'd still be too whacked to pull off a decent Tour de France after a Giro performance like that--unless, y'know, Alberto really 'relaxes' unusually well between now and July!

LitigateStrong: meantime, Lance Armstrong is now so completely confident in his "liar, liar, pants on fire!" offense against Tyler Hamilton that he's added two heavy-hitters to his legal team who successfully bounced a buncha baseball doping pozes off the radar on a technicality. Next up: Lance buys himself a new face, an obscure Pacific island, a massively-armed on-site private police force, a whole new set of identity papers, and converts all his assets into untraceable gold bars. Lookin' more innocent by the day, Lance--hey, wouldn't it be nice for no reason at all of course to buy all your teammates who haven't ratted you out to the narcs a nice new Lamborghini apiece or something?

Blood, Guts, and Breakaways: in actual race news, boy, was *that* a class move by Italian national champ Giovanni Visconti, ricocheting across the road from right to left in an eye's blink, coming up *behind* Diego Ulissi between the barriers, going all deathmatch on Diego for moving his line 5 centimeters when he barely had time to notice Visconti was there, nearly forcing an out-of-control Ulissi to take out the innocent Lastras, *then* bitching extravagantly post-relegation to the press about jailbait upstarts, the inherent compatibility of sprints and sucker-punches, and newbie disrespect. Geez, if you'd just sent up a lead out goon like--aw, !@#damn insult moratorium, *again*! Anyhoo, here's Visconti senselessly beating the cr--um, being disrespected by Ulissi, pick it up around 2:50 in:

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1 comment:

PJ said...

I'm still reading your great posts and I still love Alberto! Oh, by the way, I just returned from a 3wk trip to Italy, land of the Giro!