Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Boy, Are *You* No Fun!

Bad, *Bad* Peloton!: just when you thought it wasn't actually possible for UCI to be even more mockable than they already are, today they really hit the gold standard--yes, UCI has declared that racers may not--not, you naughty boys!--use syringes for any reason not previously approved by UCI during the Giro d'Italia. D'oh!--I was *gonna* black out the windows in my hotel room, smuggle my doctor in by innocently dressing him up like a street whore, make my directeur sportif man the hallway and call the all-clear, and have my soigneur stationed by the door with a billy club just in case, but now Pat "Dick" McQuaid says I can't use syringes this Giro so I guess I just can't dope after all--aw, *rats*! Um, am I the only one who suddenly *wants* the entire set of GC contenders to start taking PEDs just to see what those idiots would do about it? Anyhoo, not to worry, boys--pills, snortable powders, and skin patches are still all A-OK!

It's a Two-Fer!: meantime, UCI struck another blow for its own credibility today by suing Floyd Landis for shockingly implying that, say, the UCI just perhaps--perhaps--plays favorites, or that, totally hypothetically, allegedly taking hundreds of thousands of dollars from, uh, some guy might reasonably be construed to impair one's heartfelt objectivity as to, maaaaaybe, that particular guy. Y'know, not to ask uncomfortable questions or nothin', gentlemen, and certainly considering Floyd's, well, previously demonstrated but since wholly overcome lack of *complete* trustworthiness--but are sure you *want* to keep inviting Floyd to "prove it"? I mean, sure, Hero of the Universe Lance can get over his American fans by saying he likes his credibility vs. Floyd's, but *you* clowns? Sigh...

Yer Unintended Consequences o' the Week: finally, congrats to the Italian press for its fantastically timely headline proclaiming, right along with all this UCI hoo-ha, that the Giro will be a perfect "open laboratory" for key contender Team Liquigas. Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch, UCI--they're just running innocuous physiological tests to determine optimal performance parameters, not hookin' the whole squad up to a series of medical-grade hoses (hosiery?) in the hotel lobby!

1 comment:

Tom said...

I'm sorry, but I can't seem to locate the picture of Elise Basso in this article.