Friday, May 13, 2011

Surprises From the UCI Hit List; and, It's the Mountains, Baby!

Really?: okay, we've all had time to review the highly entertaining UCI 2010 Tour de France Doper Hit List, and for my money, here's the biggest surprise: on a scale of 1 to 10, Lance is only a frickin' *4*? Ha! Then again, UCI *has* always yapped on about how St. Armstrong of Texas is the cleanest, bestest guy ever, so I suppose it's a shock he made it *that* high up. But on the same level as Cadel? Break my heart again, but I just can't believe it of someone who's so viciously protective of his dog. Worst of all--the great Jens Voigt was still a 2. Two! Frank, Andy, Stuey--I don't want to endanger Jens' delicate fists here--you, kick Pat "Dick" McQuaid's !@#!

It's De-Lovely, It's De-Clercq: meantime, what a thrilla of a finish today at the Giro as jailbait unknown Bart de Clercq just barely managed to hang on for a win I was sure he'd blown as the canny Scarponi slugged it out for some time bonuses, de Clercq put in a good word for actually attacking, and Giro-winning vet Stefano Garzelli dope-smacked the peloton for lacking the nuts to share the work with a tiny squad with a gazillionth of the power and, to him, at least twice the ambition for a stage win. Me, I'm inclined to give the gruppo a little slack thus far for (1) still being a little gun-shy and (2) hoarding their energy for when Contador's, um, batteries kick in and he leaves the peloton discarded glumly on the tarmac like those old-skool testosterone patches the boys (well, save Danilo "Strawberry Shortcake" Di Luca) used to whap on (then discreetly toss off) their works. Anyhoo, looking forward to seeing more of young de Clercq--good work, kid! Here's the near-nip at the line:

Hot Lava, Hot Lava: meantime, after a flat stage for Cav tomorrow, it's finally the real mountains, baby, as we hit the slopes o' the literally explosive Mt. Etna for what's sure to be a, well, crispy 2-time ascent. Great call: despite the eruption, the organizers ain't changing the route. Sure, Mt. Etna's gonna be spewin' lava and hot ash when you climb it, but really, what better way to keep the peloton warm on those cold, windy descents? "Stuffing newspapers down my jersey" my !@%! And y'know, just ask Petacchi, nothin' cleans out the lungs like sulfurous, toxic gases. Forza, you wimps!

It's Week 2 o' the Contest, Baby!: hey, enter here to win free stuff in week 2 of the 2011 Giro d'Italia Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest--especially anyone who thinks Denis "9 out of 10" Menchov now *really* oughta give Roberto Heras his old Vuelta back!

No comments: