Thursday, May 23, 2013

It Ain't Over 'Til Scarponi Whangs a Musette Into Uran's Face to Try to Grab a Podium Spot

Or Worse, Into His Hairdo: yes, just as I was about to screech like a swooning Schleck-fan over we love Samuel Sanchez' smashing uphill time trial at the Giro, maglia rosa Vincenzo Nibali crushed him--and Cadel's Giro-winning hopes--spiritually, but the podium's still wide open, 'cause (1) any freak thing can happen in this race and (2)either way, between Cadel Uran and Scarponi, at least with the snow-slammed Gavia and Stelvio out, and the merely rain-and-snow-slammed Passo del Tonale in, and even Saturday's stage profile damn near anyone's guess, there's plenty o' room for carnage. And *so* close Samu'--glad to see you're getting your legs, and your confidence, back! Tomorrow's revised corsa rosa:

You Ask Him--No, *You* Ask Him: meantime, gracious as Cadel was in today's defeat (and I hope he don't have to start defending his newly-confirmed Tour leadership to boot), the predictable "is he or isn't he" speculation is already a-swirl around poor hardworking Nibali, which, though certainly both healthy and reasonable, ought soon be quieted anyhow when Vinokourov sends a pack o' truncheon-wielding goons around to beat down everyone's computer and/or smartphone til they splinter into useless jagged smithereens. Uh, he's innocent Vino--we believe you, we swear it!

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Celebrity-Whoring Enabler Scorned: yep, never fear, faithful cycling fans: according to none other than UCI's Pat "Dick" McQuaid, since no-one's even doping anymore, minor problems like "barely any current effective testing" needn't worry you, and cycling is back from the abyss, baby! Oh, and did Pat "I'M FRIENDS WITH LANCE! I'M FRIENDS WITH LANCE! I'M--UH, I REALLY HATE LANCE!" McQ mention he *really* hates Lance Armstrong? Please, can't *someone* get this tool outta cycling--oh wait, Ireland tried to--nice job there Switzerland for saving his !@# and prolonging this farce!

Languedoc Ain't For Wussies: finally, congrats to Brit badass Emma Pooley for bagging the "chaotic" Tour de Languedoc, and even more, calling out the race organizers for the entire trainwreck. I'd love to show you some video, but then, this is women's cycling, so unfortunately, we seem to be screwed. All the same, right on Emma--maybe now they'll fix it for next year!

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