Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Lessons From the 2012 Tour de France, Part One

1. MOVE. THE. !@#$. BACK. FROM. THE. ROAD. YOU. TOUR. DESTROYING. FREAK. Oh, Samu'! Did you *see* poor Sanchez all awash in tears?

2. Just when the French were starting not to suck. Nice work, Remy DiGregorio!

3. Luckily, though, there's no more doping in the peloton. Keep clickin' the heels of those ruby slippers all you want, Pat "Dick" McQuaid, it still ain't gonna make it true!

4. Frank Schleck, quit whining about *everything* and focus. You're tired from the Giro, you're resentful about the Tour, your team boss is a colossal jerkwad--all perfectly understandable reasons to choke. Embrace it. Your weird symbiotic thing with your little brother, though, isn't. Fix it.

5. If Wiggo "the Spider" really kicks it in the high mountains, no matter how pissed off he gets, I'm still gonna be just a liiiiiittttttttle bit creeped out. You?

6. Speaking of which, there barely are any. What the hell is this, the Tour of Oman?

7. Sometimes, someone is just better than you. Even you, and even your "@#$%-race" competitors. Might as well be a gentleman about it. Get it Cav?

8. It's nice to see Cancellara back on form. At least something at RadioSkank doesn't blow this year!

9. Of course that !@#wipe Armstrong had to be a publicity hog. And was I on a massive crack binge at the time, or did you say you didn't care and weren't gonna challenge this crap? Please, Mr. Integrity, be a man of your word!

10. Crap luck for Vande Velde and Ryder, huh? Valverde too and all, but he was already scheduled for his Spectacular Annual Mid-Grand-Tour Meltdown anyway.

11. Jeeeeeeeennnnnnnnsssssss! Ah, blessed is the asphalt you stomp upon...

12. I still believe in you Cadel!

2 comments:

Jez Andrews said...

Saw jens go on the Chase today and knew you'd be getting excited!! Interesting tour so far but has it already been decided? I hope not, Cadel is no weakling so I hope he makes the race interesting.....he's not allowed to win though!

Doug said...

I don't know what to add, you just about covered it..did you see Hinault being interviewed about Tommy after the race? I seldom see him so complimentary. OK-I never have seen him be complimentary at all, except for himself and the old daze. He even used the word "panache" to describe Voeckler. That's a first! Maybe the cranky old Badger is mellowing, or maybe he's found some good meds. And, speaking of meds, I haven't seen the likes of Wiggo and Froome since Lance...hmmmm.