Friday, July 13, 2012

Vroom, Froome!; And, Yer Philosophical Race-Route Question o' the Week

Alp, I Need Somebody/Alp, I Need Anybody: yes, we're through the mighty Alps, and if *I* were Brad Wiggins, the first thing on *my* agenda after tying up the final maillot jaune in Paris would be, who the hell am I gonna hire to take me up the mountains next year after Chris Froome bails on me for a rock-star contract and his own team-leadership glory? Me, I sure hope it's not the spectacular Tejay Van Garderen, whose strength, discretion, loyalty, and relentless optimism for beleaguered team leader Cadel has made him a real pleasure to watch this week. Wise you are, grasshopper, for not listening to everyone telling you to let Cadel suck it while you pedal off for solo glory--your GC turn will come soon enough, it's clear!

Millar Time: y'know, just when I was feeling all genuinely happy for St. David Millar to take a great stage in gracious honor of a rider who suffered a terrible tragedy, and thinkin' he'd put all that ostentatious camera-slut wah-wah over how reformed he is and how sorry he is (he got busted) and yap, yap, yap, he has to go and blow it: yep, there he was, literally *begging* the press like some smug endless-loop self-flagellating martyr to call him an ex-doper. Jaysus, Millar, we get it! You haven't won a race in umpteen years because you're clean and everyone else is dirty! Except today! You're a testament to all that's holy and good! An example of purity and moral grace to all of us lowly flawed miscreant sinner devil-dwellin' scum you're forced to share the earth with! Can I *please* get some support here for "just shut the !@#$ up about it and ride your bike already"? Oh, Jan Ullrich, come back and lie to us in those dulcet German tones then retreat into dignified omerta just once more...

Does This Tour Blow?: no, not the 2 days in the Alps. And watching the French ride well in their own Grand Tour for 2 straight years is not only shocking, but downright fascinating. But come on, if you're gonna stick us with 8000 kilometers of time trialing, 42 consecutive sprint finishes, *and* then make the GC contenders haul !@# up a buncha peaks, then freakin' make them finish there, or at least down a worthy descent that'll separate the skilled from the Schl--uh, less skilled so we get some actual drama on the GC front, not 80k after that of twiddly bull!@#$ every day. I mean, Cadel's got *one* stage in the Pyrenees and this Tour is done--what the hell's he supposed to do, bushwhack Wiggo like a chump during a nature break? No, we don't want to encourage the guys to cheat by whacking 'em senseless with vertical gackfests every minute--but damn, give the final podium *some* drama after the 10th stage, willya?

Finally, Yer Preview: uh-uh, it's another spri---zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....snort.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...is it over yet?

1 comment:

Doug said...

Don't wake me up, I'm taking my daily Tour nap.