Tuesday, July 31, 2012

It's the 2012 Olympics Time Trials, Baby!; and, In Defense of Phil Liggett (Shut Up! Go To Hell!)

Faster, Pussycat!: Okay, both defending time trial gold medalists, Fabian Cancellara and Kristin Armstrong, are still recovering from prior season-wrecking collarbone snaps *and* freshly-incurred bloody crashes. So while I'll concede to my British reader(s) that even with gents like Phinney Tony Martin and even LL Cool Sanchez in the hunt Wiggo's pretty well a lock on the men's race unless, say, a giant flying smoke-spewing swoops down from the sky plucks him off his bike at 200k an hour and eats 'im like a canape, I do think there's a little more surprise on the women's side, with Amber Neben Judith Arndt Noemi Cantele and Great Britain's own Emma Pooley all set to lay out some serious hurt on the course. So wake me when the men's time trial is over, and go Kristin--hey, remember this?

Lay Off of Phil, You Freaks! so, I've been pondering this situation where cycling announcer for the ages Phil Liggett ignited a firestorm o' outrage for saying BMX and mountain biking don't belong at the Olympics--though he clarified, !@#dammit, that he doesn't have anything *against* 'em, he just feels track is being hosed--and I've come to the thoughtful and well-reasoned conclusion that his critics can all just !@#$ off. Why? Because he's Sir Phil freakin' Liggett, I say, so he gets a Special Total Lifetime UCI Dispensation To Say Crazy !@#$ That Makes People Screaming Insane. If Jens Voigt said he wanted to eat your cat for dinner, would you object? No! I rest my case. But before I hear any bitchin' from folks who wouldn't read this anyway, let me say I think we can all agree that not only do BMXers and MTBers have lovely bike handling skills, but let's face it, they're generally a liiiiiitttttttle less anal-retentive than yer average blinged-out full-kitted ascetic plain-pasta-snarfin' energy-gel-debatin' power-meter-obsessive roadie. And can we keep to the *real* Olympic debate, which is why is stupid crap like "rhythmic gymnastics" still *in*? Free Phil--and apologize to him too, you peons!

A Humble Question: finally, in reviewing the Liggett dispute, I came across a very lively UK site which asked if Phil was "Right, Or A Colossal Nob Jangler?" I gathered, with my incredible powers of perception, that "nob jangler" is *not* a compliment. Still--dear Brits, kindly humor your ignoramus across the pond--translation, please?


Jez Andrews said...

What is phils problem with mtbing? Tsk nob jangler indeed. As a translation a nob is a cock, and your jangles are the bollocks. A jangler though is someone who hits said men parts. So there you go. Not a compliment!

racejunkie said...

Thanks Jez! Next, will you tell me how anyone can ever hope to beat you guys in anything cycling-related ever again?

Jez Andrews said...

Sadly nothing is for ever and I'm sure the next best team will be around the corner, so I'm going to just enjoy it while I can! Failing that an assassination attempt on David Brailsford might help!