It's the US Olympic Road Races!; and, RadioSkank Implodes Again

Tommeke Tommeke Tommeke!: okay, I get that Cav is gonna slather himself in gold, Wiggo will be the coolest lead-out beeyotch in history, and Millar's gonna start bawling about how clean he is the second the cameras swing Davidwise. But dammit, without Samu for everyone to kneel to, and at the risk of being pelted with Budweiser cans and Slim-Jim wrappers by rabid nationalists on my own home turf, I am rooting for Belgian babemeister big Tom Boonen, who in the four years since the last summer Olympics has gone from the lowest of coke-poz injury-beset train-wreck lows to the highest of rebirth-redemption-and-relentless-win-streak highs, and if *that* don't flush you with true Olympic spirit, you are a petty heartless goon who has pimped your soul too cheap. Alternatively, of course, I *would* accept Sagan or Greipel beating Cav's !@# just on principle. Allez allez Tom--don't let those wily pure-sprint squads outfox you!

Midnight Train to Giorgia: meantime, with the Sunday women's road race set for a mere two passes on the dread Box Hill, the Brits clearly bringing their A game, and Ina-Yoko Teutenberg capable of ripping yer limbs off just lookin' at you mean, I'm still betting on Italian powerhouse Giorgia Bronzini, who, despite expressing concern that the usual sprinters will be so busy marking each other they might let some upstart fly by, has proven herself one cool customer in tense--and high-stakes--finishes. Even better? She says she's "angry." And you wouldn't like her when she's angry!

Showdown At the No-Way Corral: and, any Schleckian hopes of an Andy-vs.-Alberto ride to the death in Spain this summer are over, as Johan Bruyneel announces--in only his latest round of bad news--that Andy just isn't up for the Vuelta a Espana quite yet, and will be riding in the US instead. Anyone else of the opinion Johan, in all his years of success and wisdom, might've thought twice about horribly screwing poor Jakob Fuglsang at this point? Anyhoo, with Jens being naturally courted by superior squads, Haimar Zubeldia a primo late-career catch for I-told-you-you-should-never-have-left-Euskaltel or even Astana with Nibali, and even Bjarne Riis sniffing 'round to grab back half his old posse, it's just as well Schleck ain't gonna be around to suffer the humiliation anyway. Speedy recovery, Andy--but Contador'd still wipe the floor with you!

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil: oh, hell, he's just evil--yep, none other than UCI leader "Clean Sport! Except When We Like You!" Pat "Dick" McQuaid, weirdly concerned suddenly 8 years or so on about that silly Armstrong hoo-ha--which, y'know, can happen to a colossal brown-nose in constant pursuit of reflected glory--has now come straight out and said, uh, we've got nothing to do with anti-doping! We've got no authority whatsoever! We're impotent weaklings, I swear it! Well, *that* makes me feel better about the sport--what next, you're gonna say the biological passport is crap? Oh, wait...