Tuesday, June 26, 2012

It's the 2012 Tour de France in Preview!; and, a Programming Note

Yes, the Giro's past, the Vuelta's future, and it's time for the Grand Boucle--and first person to mention freakin' what's-his-name for any reason gets a giant colossal wedgie and an eternal noogiepalooza, so let's focus on the real action, everyone! The deal:

The Course: yep, time trial city, which will massively favor Cadel and Wiggo for GC and pretty well hose everyone else (we still love you, Samu)! 9 flats, a wunk of rollers, and 5 mountain stages w/2 summit finales. Watch for: Stage 16 to Bagneres-de-Luchon and Stage 17 to Payragudes to put on the serious hurt and separate the men from the mewling beaten bawling masses. See you in Paris--if you can get there!

The General Classification: who else? Wiggo. Cadel. Sanchez (bite me! go to hell!). And watch out for Garmin, with Vande Velde clearly more'n ready should Ryder (understandably) bonk. Horner? Good luck, with Klodi hatin' your guts. Valverde? I wish him well, but fear his annual mid-tour meltdown. As for the others, all I can say is, Menchov, I still irrationally resent you over the Heras thing, and Nibali, don't kick a gift horse in the nuts 'til *after* your major season objective's been achieved. Good luck and safe riding to all!

The Fast Men: has Mark Cavendish's new diet blown his pure power? We'll see, 'cause Sagan and Greipel are just rippin' the tarmac off the roadways, with Farrar, Petacchi, Freire, and Haedo to round out the mix. Sure you don't want to start bangin' back the protein drinks and get those kilos back before the startline, Cav?

The Hills: it's all about the Spaniards and the Basques, baby. The rest of you, except Hoogerland--why even bother?

The Flagbearers: Chavanel, Voeckler, Moncoutie, Casar. Me, I'll always admire Casar for soldiering on after some stupid mutt almost took him out that year. Sure, the French have blown the Tour pretty well for a while, but these guys sure don't suck--cue the "Marsellaise!"

The Descenders: more like who's not. Just keep an eye on Samu's wheel, and you'll all catch up to him next week...

The Missing: Thor--!@#$! Fuglsang--thanks Johan you !@#$!

The Wounded: Schleck: psychological. Levi, Voeckler: physical. But I'm bankin' on Levi to hang tough in the climbs and time trials, and the French'll be all over their dogged, grimacing boy. And of course, Freire's always likely to show with some bizarre ailment. For the rest of you, try not to bust anything important!

And Finally, the Freak Shows: Vino's "helping" Brajkovic at Astana. RadioSkank's eating its own young (gross!). But with Jens Voigt in possibly his last-ever Tour de France (aiiiggggghhhhhh! aiiiiiggggghhhh! aiigggghhhh!), and Vino exorcising (or exercising) his own demons, it's gonna be one thrilla attack-fest out there. Go, Jens, go!

Programming Note: well folk(s), I'm off to watch my first Gran Fondo, so lucky for you I likely won't be able to post the first week of the Tour, and will sadly miss Frank's cryin', Johan's long-distance bitching, and Cadel beating the crap out of a journalist. But I'll be back for a Week One Roundup, and 2 full weeks of wondrous, disastrous hijinks before we hit Paris--so au revoir for now, and make 'em cry Euskaltel! As for the annual Racejunkie Win Free Stuff Contest, it's on for August. Why? Because you-know-who is back, and it's the Vuelta dammit--bow, beeyotches!

1 comment:

Doug said...

Last years' Tour is a hard act to follow ya know. We can hope it's not a snorefest this year. I have been known to sleep thru a TT.