Stand By Your Man/ And Tell the World You Love Him ('Cause It's Not Like You Have a Choice)

I Need An Everlasting Love: yes, Alberto Contador has rewarded Bjarne Riis richly for his faith and loyalty with a long-term contract, Johan Bruyneel has apparently finished (publicly) bawling into his coffee and Cheerios clutching his teddy bear, and Andy Schleck has--yep, inspired his boss' confidence still further by dropping out of the Dauphine'. Still, Johan seems to be reasonably convinced Andy's got maybe a plausibly half-!@#ed excuse for his crap performance this time, or at least is putting on his Tour game face and politesse enough in the wake of his catastrophic failure to snag and keep Contador to not call a humongous press conference to say again how Andy's A Colossal Whining Wuss Compared to Lance and A !@#damn Two Year Old Can Take Pain Better Than This Big Baby and I Can Guarantee You He'll Be Lucky To Wash My Dirty Underwear in July. Now *that's* grace in the face of defeat--enjoy it while it lasts, Andy, 'cause the second you choke at the Tour he's gonna be back on you with a horsewhip!

We're Not Catching You Means It's Working: in anti-doping news, random attack dog/doper-apologist Pat "Dick" McQuaid has touted the success of the bio passport program, claiming the fact that they haven't busted anybody for years except Franco Pellizotti a coupla neo-pros and a coupla Masters riders means that none of the riders are doping at all. Boy, what a relief that is--so, Pat "Dick", you giving Contador the all-clear and a sincere apology for his clenbuterol poz in 2010? Andy, get ready to give back your spankin' new maillot jaune--d'oh, *that* was a good five seconds of kingship!

Yer Gratuitous Tom Boonen Reference o' the Week: no, he's not riding the Tour de France, which blows--but dear Tommeke *is* revving up for the Olympic road race, so Cav, you'll have to watch yer butt on your home turf instead! Here, a reminder of what Cav has to fear this year: Allez allez Tooooooommmmm!