Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Giro d'!@#damn *Right*, Carlos!

*That's* How It's Done, Baby!: man, bad enough that it's now 11 stages into the Giro without a single Italian stage win and the press and tifosi are going bonkers--now, we get to watch damn near every one of the favorites go off on each other over today's catastrophic collective meltdown and dear little Sastre's smashing vault back into GC contention. Vinokourov? Scornful--he wasn't about to work his !@# off for Basso and Nibali, particularly if they were too lazy or stupid to do it themselves. Liquigas? Whining--Astana didn't honor the maglia rosa and they weren't gonna domestique for Vino either. Cadel? Surprised, but to his gentlemanly credit, not an ass. Cunego? Blaming the guys on race radio for not telling 'em Sastre was up ahead. Carlos? Typically modest. Oh, right, some other guy actually won the stage, like it matters. Let's review, shall we? Woo-hoo Sastre!

You Suck, Vs.!: Look, Versus. I can overlook the fact, because it's presumably not your fault and because I will forgive people who employ Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen for damn near anything short of cuddly-big-eyed-puppy torture, that I spent two hours of my life that I'll never get back the other night watching snore-inducing footage of an empty finish line because the coverage of the actual road race crapped out entirely. And as for yesterday, I *like* hockey--hell, I was a devoted child fan of the Hanson Brothers from "Slapshot." But it's 2k to the finish, the gap to the leaders is still shrinking, and you tell me that because of some dumb!@# NHL playoff I'm supposed to watch the gut-clenching last few moments of the race on the amgenepotourofcalifornia.com website? What kind of !@#$in' stupidity is *that*? Do you know what happens in the first two minutes of a hockey game? Squat, the players haven't even had time to get in their inaugural sucker punch yet--get your priorities straight, you pandering freaks!

We Love Jens!: over in Toura California news, I'm delighted to see we love Dave Zabriskie grab a stage, but for my money, what's *really* bitchin' is the New York Times of all papers paying due obeisance to Jens Voigt, if only for his impressive bounce-back from his gory face-plant at last year's Tour de France. Plus, he's already attacking like a madman, and it ain't even July. You go Jens!

Release the Hounds!: finally, sincere condolences to family and friends of the RadioSkank team car mechanic, apparently first treed and then devoured by a pack of 100 rabid hunting beagles on Lance Armstrong's orders after taking an unheard-of 50 seconds for a bike change at the Amgen EPO Tour of California yesterday. Let the tattered bloody remnants of his clothing be a warning to the rest of you peon layabouts!

1 comment:

Rosemary said...

You know, I actually yelled "YOU SUCK!" at the TV last night watching my recorded ToC coverage. The only thing that made it worse was logging on to "watch" the final 2K only to read who won the stage before seeing it. Aaarrggghhhh! As for the previous stage, it was nice to fast forward through most of the Stage 1 replay.

At least Universal hasn't switched to the Spanish language station like last year. Pretty exciting stuff!