Tuesday, May 27, 2014

It's Yer Handy-Dandy Giro d'Italia What the !$%! Just Happened Out There?! Guide #giro

Oh yeah, it got ugly out there on the final climb, but between the shrieking, denying, dissembling, and just plain whinin' that was going on out there today, how do we really sum this mess up? This way!:

1. The Race Organizers: Geez, the weather sucks. If a major contender crashes out because of us, we are gonna get *serious* heat. Hey guys--the race is neutralized! No, it's not! We're going slow though, so take your time and bundle up for that descent. No, you're cool, just follow that guy with the red flag down the mountain and stay in whatever group you're in. Except for that leading group, they can fly! Wait, what? We didn't think you'd believe us anyway, this is all *your* dumb-!@#$ fault--no results modification for you!

2. The Teams (Gained on GC Edition): what? Of course the race wasn't neutralized! What inbred moron team director told you that? We couldn't see 'em anyway through the snow--like we've got eyes in the back of our heads? Damn, race radio was crackly today!

3. The Teams (Lost on GC Edition): I was following Twitter, not listening to race radio! I was listening to race radio, not watching what was happening off the road! Look at this pic, that sneaky little bastard Nairo was waaaaaaaay ahead of that red-flag moto, he was clearly cheating intentionally, this whole stage's results should be tossed out entirely!

4. The Riders: I didn't hear 'bout no stinking neutralization! Race radio only works half the time anyway! I gained all my time on the climb not the descent so bite me you still sucked! Hey, did any of you jerks notice I already won this race two years ago? What, I was sitting up there at the top getting a mani-pedi because I thought the freakin' race *wasn't* neutralized? Lefevere/Oleg/Peiper you idiots! Hey man, leave me out of this--my leg just cramped on the Stelvio!

Well, that's your quickie guide to today's blame game. Tomorrow--Quintana still gets to stay in pink, beeyotches, so suck it up and plot your strategy!


Rosemary said...

Favorite quote: "At the end of the day the stage became like ancient Rome or like modern Hunger Games. I'm actually surprised that winner of the stage doesn't have to fight with tigers".

racejunkie said...

Awesome. Who said that?

Rosemary said...

Bernie Eisel. Here is the article with numerous comments/tweets listed: