Saturday, May 10, 2014

It's Yer Giro d'Italia Day 2 GC Carnage Parade o' the Euskies Win Free Stuff Roundup! #giro

The (Crap) Luck o' the Irish: y'know, I was thinkin' it would be kinda dangerous out there, but I gotta say--particularly because our man we love Purito is completely !@#$ed over a few rainclouds--opening a Grand Tour with a TTT and deciding half the GC before Marcel Kittel's mousse has even dried is total bull!@#$. Why not just smash their bikes to pieces with a ball peen hammer and save 'em the miserable trouble of a half-hour in the cold and rain so they can just stay warm 'til they catch their flights home the next day? Anyway, to Garmin's credit, this disaster hasn't cowed them, who're vowing to struggle on even after Irishman Dan Martin's awful manhole-cover collarbone spin-out and Euskaltel refugee's Koldo Fernandez's broken collarbone too (though, in typical masochist cyclist fashion, he even managed to finish the stage). Tomorrow: another stage for the fastmen, another day of relentless ignoring by the freakin' announcers of anyone but Marcel Kittel. Jeez, think of, say, Viviani's feelings a little, whydontcha!

Orange *Should* Be the New Black !@#dammit: Speaking of whom, it was a pretty impressive ride on opening day by the rest of the ex-(and always!) Carrots, with we love Samuel Sanchez of Cadel's (and Samu's!) BMC, Mikel Landa of Scarponi's Astana, and Igor Anton Gorka Izaguirre and Jonathan Castroviejo of Quintana's Movistar, except, as noted, for poor Koldo, which oughta save the lot of them a little bit of stress in the GC battle until Purito comes outta nowhere to kick their sorry leaders' collective !@#. Me, I'm freakin' out for Samu or Gorka to take a stage win, so FREE THE EUSKALTEL CLIMBERS YOU SELFISH GC NAVEL-GAZERS!

Jane-of-All-Terrain: finally, congrats to Marianne Vos for winning today's sprint at the Tour o' Britain, just proving that, should she ever get constantly tired of winning mountains, rolling stages, sprints, time trials, cross, or mountain bike, she could always do something else she also presumably excels at, like downhill, zip-lining, dog-catching, bricklaying, nuclear engineering, catering, astronauting, or Impressionist painting. Forza Marianne--but maybe give someone else a shot every so often?

Oh, and show yer Giro prowess and Enter to Win Stuff Here!

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