It's Yer Tour De France Rest-Day Roundup, Part Un! #tdf

1. When you're Alberto King of the Universe Contador, and Bjarne Riis has to say you're "still our team leader", you *know* you've choked.

2. Maybe instead of team "buses", team "stretch limos" would be better. Clearly low enough for the finish line, and you *still* get to travel like rock stars!

3. Interesting that Alejandro Valverde accuses Contador of saying he'd help Movistar attack Froome then not doing it, when Contador sez he never saw the point in the first place. *Whatever* happened, you better hope you don't need Valverde in the last week there, Alberto!

4. On a related note, bummer all Movistar's work went pretty well nowhere, but they did at least strike a psychological blow to the benefit of the other GC contenders. So Cadel and Purito, can you come back now?

5. Sure, Sky was starting to look like a pack of USPostal man-bots, but yesterday, Porte looked reassuringly human. And is anyone else concerned that they lost one of Froomey's support riders to the time cut?

6. I'm no Schleck fan, but after Andy's past achievements, it is downright embarrassing to see his just not getting completely dropped being treated as an awe-inspiring triumph.

7. On another related note, the only thing better than Frank and Andy going to Astana next year would be Vinokourov staging an Armstrongian comeback. I mean "worse than," "worse than!"

8. I love the fans' camera-whoring enthusiasm, but next beer-gutted eejit in a neon banana-hammock mankini running next to a bone-exhausted climber just trying to turn over the pedal is fair game for Bernard Hinault to shove off the mountainside. For all our sakes, just stick with the funny wigs, whydontcha?

9. For my darling Euskaltel to have a rider take 4th in an actual sprint stage, without even a dedicated lead-out, is pretty freakin' amazing. Now can Anton or Nieve take a mountain stage already?

10. Some people just suck at descents, and some don't even seem interested in learning. FDJ prodigy Thibaut Pinot, however, is truly terrified of them. Kudos to him for publicly admitting it, and for his team for their unconditional support. *That's* guts!

11. Sylvain Chavanel, man. *Un*believable. Is anyone else gonna cry if he doesn't finally get his stage?

12. Riding a Grand Tour with a cracked pelvis is acceptable, if perverse, roadie masochism. Allowing *anyone* with a concussion to ride for even a single day, no matter how safe it turns out to've been in retrospect, is outrageous.

13. Pat "Dick" McQuaid, omerta blew the first time all you skanks enforced it. So please don't give us this "I'm gonna fight doping, but quit asking questions about it" bull!@#$. The sport deserves better!

14. Cav, if you're gonna scream yer head off like a raging beeyotch, at least have the courtesy towards the press and fans to do it on camera for us. Merci!

Well, the rest day's almost done, and it's on to a week o' time trials, breakaways, and epic Sagan vs. Cavendish snit-fests. Allez allez gentlemen, and remember spectators, it's *inside* the barriers with your !@#damn cameras, promotional tchotchkes, and giant dogs!