Thursday, July 25, 2013

Alberto Contador Is a Spoiled Lazy Princess; and, O'Crap O'Grady! the '98 Doping Pozes Come Down

No Time for Losers/'Cause He Wants a Champion: that's right Alberto, there *is* no difference between second and tenth place, and SaxoTinkoff team oligarch Oleg Tinkov wants to be sure you know it: you're a smug little lazy-!@# over-paid prima donna, and you can find yourself your own damn gullible sponsor, 'cause he is gonna buy himself HIS BIG OWN TEAM, with BIG STARS with a BIG WORK ETHIC who can WIN HIM BIG STUFF, UNLIKE YOU YOU TINY HAS-BEEN! Still, he's got a ton of respect for Bjarne Riis, even though his team management skills sucked, and really enjoyed working with you, although you grossly humiliated him, so HAVE FUN AT YOUR CRAP LOSER TEAM RIDING WHATEVER CRAP LOSER BIKE YOU CAN DIG OUT OF A DIME-STORE DUMPSTER because no-one else'll hire you, YOU SLACKER! Uh, Sky, you've been awful generous with Froomey and all--but maybe you oughta upgrade 'im from a Jaguar to a Lamborghini or something before Oleg pulls out the bottomless checkbook? Wait, this seems to be Boonen's old one, try this instead!

O'No I Can't Stand It!: yep, the '98 Tour de France doping pretty-darn-sure-you-naughty-boys-did-its are out, and the essence seems to be this: the only guys who *didn't* dope that year were the ones sneakin' outta their hotel rooms for a night o' booze coke and bimbos at the clubs while their more dedicated teammates stayed in responsibly for their nightly room-service doctor's visits. Oh Stuey--I knew it could be possible, but can the lot of you all just call a moratorium on this "I only tried it once and I didn't like it" and "no-one else had anything to do with it" guff--I'd rather you'd openly strolled around with a syringe stickin' out your butt your whole careers! Next up: you just *watch* yourselves class o' 2013, you morally righteous lying little snotbags--by the time the polar icecaps've melted and the continents have all crashed back into each other again, we are gonna *totally* find you out and bring you *down*!