Saturday, July 30, 2011

Oh, All *Right*--!@#$ I Missed in the Racejunkie Awards

It's Yer Final 2011 Tour de France Racejunkie Awards!: okay, I stand duly chastised, but it's not every day I'm accused by my faithful reader(s) of not babbling *enough*, and, frankly even with *my* low standards I questioned the good taste of an award to someone who basically survived a terrifying car accident, but between that and a couple 'nother things I left out due to space, here you go:

Your Body Is a Hoogerland Award: this goes, of course, to poor barbed-wired Johnny Hoogerland *and* to Juan Antonio Flecha, who though he did pop back up quickly after all was directly hit by the damn media car before Hoogerland sailed into that hideous fence, and while it's usually Stuey O'Grady wrapped up like a mummy with splints stickin' out of 'im in 14 different directions as he crosses the line, gigantic accolades to both Hoogerland and Flecha for not only sticking it out but actively triumphing, to the tune of the polka dot jersey for Hoogerland no less, with every subsequent attack during the Tour. Here's the dual damage: Let's hope no-one has to get this prize ever again!

Domestique o' 2012 (Yeah, You Read Right): as Alberto Contador's bromance with Bjarne Riis hits the rocks hard as he tells the press on further reflection it's certainly possible to do the Giro-Tour double if YOUR TEAM DOESN'T SUCK, we here at racejunkie are always ready to help, and can't help but note that it's our own dear reader/resident badass Doug who has recently *twice* conquered the Galibier. Look, no-one doubts that Sorensen's an awfully good guy--but Saxo bank just *gave* you a ton of fat-cat dough, Bjarne, now *use* it before Contador !@#damn jumps to Movistar! And I only take a ten percent cut. And maybe that ill-gotten maillot jaune you were so eager to get rid of. And...anyway, congratulations Doug, see you on Eurosport next year!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Prize: Best. Announcer. Reaction. Ever. Go Edvaaaaaaaaaaaaald!

Aussie Fans Kick !@# Award: finally (I mean it), and, in just about the best piece of citizen-journalism I've ever seen, our Phil and Paul of tomorrow weighed in on not only the mind-boggling news that Cadel was about to become the first Aussie ever to win the Tour, and the upcoming weather on the Champs-Elysees, but, most important of all, muffins! Great work, girl--and Versus, you once hired the Trautwig, now *hire* this chick!

So sorry to have pissed y'all off, and in 2012 I swear I'll just yap on no matter how questionably--so no freakin' complainin' next year!

1 comment:

PJ said...

Yap on. And on and on. This year and next, and next.