Valverde Falls Short and Sagan Blows It Again: It's Last Chance at the Tour de France Corral! #letour

Tic-Tock, Make It Stop: Yep, forget tomorrow's stage winner Tony Martin, we've got ourselves a real battle for the GC podium at the individual time trial, with the experienced if marginally crappy Valverde a mere 2 seconds back off Jean-Christophe Peraud in 3rd and 15 seconds off Thibaut Pinot Grigio. Oh, come on, I know no-one wants Piti to win here, but like you won't be off yer seats screamin' at the TV with excitement (or disgust) anyway? Plus, if Valverde gets this, it'll be the first time he (1) hasn't had a catastrophic race-wrecking meltdown at the Tour de France (or hell, any Grand Tour) and (2) he's actually made the final podium here. Aw, do it just to piss everyone off Alejandro--what's another year to the French, when they've sucked at their own Tour for a quarter-century anyhow?

He's Tourminated: and, let's just cut all the brave-face carry-on stiff-upper-lip crapola--while winning the overall green jersey at the Tour de France would be a career-defining coup for anyone else, for Peter freakin' Sagan it's an emerald emblem of failure, as having blown the stage win today with a late-stage multi-cyclist pileup, he's got just one chance left to salvage his Tour on the Champs-Elysees, and it's pretty darn likely that the little that's even left of Marcel Kittel after the Pyrenees is gonna grab that by a country mile. Speaking of which, don't it feel weird Cav not taking it? Oh well, teeth, hair, they both of 'em sprint, what's the difference!

Ladies First: finally, don't forget that delicate flowers like Marianne Vos and Giorgia Bronzini are gonna be provin' the worth of the ladies on the Champs as well, in what's hopefully their first crack at a someday-soon full-on three-week Tour de France. No diss to the eternal Vos, but can *someone* else at least come close to taking it besides her--variety is the spice of life, and we need *something* unexpected to happen on Sunday, right? Woot woot Giorgiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!