Monday, June 09, 2014

Whoa Moly It's the First Doping Scandal of the Tour de France Already And It's Only the Dauphine!

Breathe In, Breathe Out: yep, just as I was thinkin' as how that Froomey was lookin' pretty damn good today towing a helpless Contador up the mountain and *still* having the energy to drop 'im in the finale at the Dauphine, comes our first official scandal of the Tour de France: Chris was caught huffing on an inhaler totally coincidentally right when he happened to be trying to win a mountain stage. Geez, think how that spindly freak's gonna ride when he's feeling *well* for a change! Still, apparently it's all cool with UCI--and I'm pretty sure I was hearing crickets chirping from the general direction of the peloton, so who are we to question?

Remember How "Jaws" Ended?: yeah, in a big gory mushroom cloud o' shark-guts, which is what Astana team boss/lovably egomaniacal sociopath Alexandre Vinokourov is gonna do to Vincenzo "lo Squalo" Nibali if he doesn't at least start showing enough pre-Tour form to worry his rivals this week, since Vino already wrote a very firm letter ripping his squad for crap results before Nibali popped today. Boys, I know Nibs was saying it was all good after the race, but really, I think this is the start and end of Vino's pep talk--the next one you get is gonna be yer feet sunk in a tub o' quick-set concrete, so start turning those damn pedals while you still can for heck's sake!

Out With the Old, In With the New: finally, former Lance Armstrong heir apparent/2x Giro champ Ivan Basso, who had a distinctly lackluster Giro despite a heartwarming attack or two, is apparently done with the Grand Tours that once seemed like his birthright--he won't be riding the Tour de France or the Vuelta a Espana, at least not for Cannondale this year. Y'know, remembering the coolly unapproachable "extraterrestri" Top Gun who posed shirtless for Gazzetta dello Sport and beat down an outraged we love Gilberto Simoni by 9 minutes in 2006, this somehow makes me rather sad. Oh well, at least he's got a lovely post-cycling gig as a blueberry farmer lined up--and Ivan, if you're really still signing for Tinkov next year, you might wanna get yer salary in a cash advance before he changes his mind!


Anonymous said...

Contador back in form. I'm happy.

racejunkie said...

Me too. Should be a lively Tour, particularly if Nibali gets it together!