Wednesday, June 25, 2014

It's Such a Fine Line Between Stupid and, Uh, Huffing Too Much Salbutamol

Oh, Diego: yes, just when you thought we were in the clear from the beautiful Giro d'Italia, this year's revelation Diego Ulissi's been popped for a "non-negative" finding he sucked down too much asthma meds. Reached at home, the besieged Ulissi reportedly commented, "oh, !@#$!" Didn't *anyone* learn anything from Petacchi, I mean, Froome? Well, don't worry too much about your contract with Lampre, kid--at least it wasn't a "positive" test, so I'm sure that soothe 'em right quick!

Spanish Cycling Cracks Down!: okay, on gran fondos, anyway, as authorities removed a racer from the course of a gran fondo all Rasmussen-style right within reach of his win due to his disgraceful history of doping. Uh, have you guys noticed who's still riding in the Spanish *pro* peloton lately? Nope, me either...somehow, like them, I can't see a damn thing! Must be the blinding offensiveness of Valverde still riding...

Ghosts of Grand Tours Past: damn, that mild little attack in the Tour de Suisse must've really impressed the DS over at Team Trek, who decided to allow Andy "Frank's Little Brother" Schleck in the Tour de France squad along with the likes of we love Jens and Fabian Cancellara. We're rooting for you Andy--if you *say* you can be in contention for a stage win after you bring Frank up some snacks, who are we to doubt?

Shark Attack: finally, in addition to being flogged like a rum-thieving sailor by incensed team boss Alexander Vinokourov, Vincenzo Nibali's been workin' *real* hard to psyche out Froome and Contador (to say nothing of Tejay and Purito) for the Tour: he's twitting pix of himself chillin' in a lounge chair overlooking a sweet mountain view. *That's* how you scare the crap outta those overrated poseurs, Nibs--or at least give you a chance to relax after Vino's latest beatdown!

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