What the Schleck?!

Gilbert on a Tear: y'know, I'm quite fond of the Schlecks (yes, I know Frank's got a checkered past, but since he's not Roberto or Iban or even Simoni snorting his grandmother's coke-tainted "candies", I'm not particularly gonna defend him), but if the two of 'em together can't tag-team Philippe Gilbert out of a win, classy as the boys were in inevitable defeat it's a pretty good thing for everybody's egos that the Ardennes classics are history and they can all just pack it up 'til he bags a few rolling stages in the Tour and Andy still snuggles safe in the GC. Next year the whole peloton can go all Cancellara on his !@# marking him and regain some dignity then. Here's the last 3k: You go, Philippe!

You Suck, Versus!: meanwhile, can I just say as an American viewer that you !@#$in *suck*, Versus! Don't !@#$in' tease me with Phil all tweeting the impending coverage and then tell me in 3 different places on your damn website you're gonna show it at 3 different times, then replace it entirely with an entire afternoon of Captain Inbred's House of Bass-Fishing 'n' Banjo Playin' or whatever catastrophically non-time-sensitive bul!@#$ you're gonna show instead--*dammit*! Look, frankly I'm inordinately grateful whenever you show a freakin' thing related to cycling besides that poison-ivy irritation of a Lance Armstrong Amstel No-Cal commercial or whatever it is, but is there *anything* we American cycling fans can do that won't make our mommas wash our mouths out with soap to make you pony up a !@#damn race on TV before it's time for the next year's edition to be on already? You *blow*--now double Phil and Paul's salary and put 'em on in a timely manner you !@#$%&%#*s!

Fear And Loathing In Italy: in upcoming race news, I see even wavering-vegan Contador's a bit freaked by some of the climbs he's been recon-ing for the Giro d'Italia, and for my money, if I were the brilliant little squirt, I'd be more afraid of an angry Italian tifoso whackin' him off the side of the mountain than the climbs themselves. Don't worry, Alberto--I'm sure with your (alleged!) connections, you can find *some* !@#$ that'll make you grow eyes on the back of your head! That said, even I can't help but be truly suckered by a guy who's clearly so nice to his dog: Heck, you just name a blood bag after him, kid, and you've got Basso and Valverde written all over you!