Friday, April 01, 2011

It's Flanders, Baby!

And Tom Boonen Is Ready: yep, just days after his assclown team boss Patrick Lefevere decided to "motivate" recent Gent-champ Boonen for his showdown with Cancellara by telling the press he's gonna get a whoppin' pay cut if he don't start winning more--and I'm guessing that the guy in actual charge who is personally failing to successfully guide his team ain't himself offering Quick Step any of *his* salary back--Tom's truly put down the hammer on his pre-Flanders prep in response, forcing himself into a spectacularly grueling regimen of lip-synching, air-guitar, and headbanging: Geez, Lefevere, are you *trying* to set our boy back 2 years?--stick a drinking straw in his nose and push 'im face down into a grande-sized cup o' blow, whydontcha!

Yer Handy Flanders Preview: and, while some nimrods caused a slight adjustment stealing cobbles from the course--which frankly, might've done some of the shakier Classics domestiques a favor--it's still lookin' to be a smashing route, , and while whatsisface o' the time trial is favored to win, and it's hard not to root for monster attacker Philippe Gilbert, we all know, deep down, it's gonna be Thor. Yeah, go to hell! For the women's race: look for Grace Verbeke to redeem Belgian honor again this year, and if she doesn't, and Vos doesn't beat her, Ina-Yoko Teutenberg will simply go Rock-em Sock-em Robots on them with the awesome power of her fists.Go Ina!

Buon Compleanno!: finally, tho' it still crushes me he's no longer on the road, happy birthday to great champion/Azzurri Commissario Tecnico Paolo "Il Grillo" Bettini, and frankly, I was stumped as to whether to post a tribute of his greatest victories, or the hilarious 8-minute segment where he gets "punked" on Italian TV when a coupla hotties steal his personal airplane for a disastrous joyride, his equally-hot wife goes in for the kill defending her man, and Paolo gets to break up the cagefight. So unless I hear otherwise, here's the Cricket, as always, winnin' stuff. We miss you Paolo!

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