Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Contador

Contador, Are You !@#$in' *Nuts*?!: someone tell me this isn't a sick joke: yes, just as Alberto Contador's brains were starting to actually work for him, his brother/manager Fran has announced that Contador's about to sign with Astana of all squads for another two or three years. Why does your own big brother hate you so much, exactly? Y'know, I get that Astana tossed you a dog bone when they had you on a choke chain and let you buy a bunch of trusty Spanish domestiques that you could be reasonably certain weren't gonna bushwhack you. But haven't you noticed that extremo-ambitious Napoleonic wingnut Alexander Vinokourov is in total control of this team thanks to the moneybags sponsors, and has, to be kind, some unfinished issues with the Tour de France? Damn, he already set the pace to drop you before the line when you had a broken wheel coming off the cobbles the other day--when you need him and he's got the legs to help, do you really think he's gonna be able to resist the lure of the mountains he's been pining for ever since he tried to hose Jan Ullrich back in the day? 'Cause I'm not confident--after all, Lance promised to support your scrawny !@# too, and we all know how *that* worked out for you. My word, you trusting child, good luck--you're gonna need it!

Showin' the Love, Baby!: in more weird Contador news, it's hats off to our little high-road rider, who showed up at Lance and Johan's RadioSkank team bus today carrying two small bags containing commemorative 2009 Tour de France watches. Now, I know--*know*--that this was a wholly selfless, thoughtful, peacemaking gesture from our doe-eyed rugrat-o'-steel, for which he is, as with all random acts of kindness, to be commended. Therefore, I likewise know that Alberto in no way meant to remind Armstrong that Contador, not he, won last year's Tour. That's *so* sweet of you, Alberto! To Lance's gentlemanly credit, he called wee Contador's gesture "very generous," and, in the hilarity-factor Quote-o-the-Tour, added that Alberto obviously "recognizes he had the support of a great team" in 2009. Like the "support" you get when you're !@#$%-slapped in the press every day by your own former cycling idol, rejected like a sore-covered leper during the presentation of the Team Classification win, and completely ignored as you stand six inches away from Captain Athletic Supporter on the top of your own podium in Paris? Goodness, with support like that, who needs rat poison? Anyhoo, as you continue your sobbing road to redemption, Cavendish, here's your (much needed) example--do this with Heinrich Haussler, and he may not intentionally run over your skull next time you take him down recklessly in a sprint!