Friday, July 23, 2010

Yep, He Earned It!; And, Lance Armstrong, Your Cruise Director

Sing It, Doubters!: okay, forget his beeyotch, or sensible, move the other day--and having considered the thoughtful comments of my beloved posters, and Schleckino's failure to wait for Contador after Alberto's earlier holdup, I *am* inclined to view it more as a public relations disaster of colossal proportions and a case of classic Contatwerpian stone-cold tone-deafness rather'n any actual evil anti-Schleck slag--on the Tourmalet, Contador showed conclusively that, despite earlier relative lack of form (relative to last year's "holy crap, how can that kid not be sucking down more dope than the rest of the peloton put together?" that is), and barring some catastrophic crash in the time trial (oops, now I've done it), he absolutely deserves the final maillot jaune in Paris. Why? Because much as I love our brilliant gangly goofball Schleck (and am often irked by Alberto's sprinteresque cockiness), Contador clearly could've dropped him. And he didn't, which either shows actual contrition for the prior kerfuffle whether he should've even *been* contrite or not, or just that his bro/manager Fran beat the crap out of him, so yes, big points to our pretty Spanish pinup pipsqueak for not doing so. Me, I'm hoping that between these two great riders, we're gonna have ourselves for the next 5-odd years a sexy new Lance Armstrong/Jan Ullrich epic rivalry, without (sort of) Lance's infinite open assholian ego (hell, just without Lance is a gift) or our darling Janster's Vinoesque uber-capacity for self-destruction, wingnut behavior, and illicit performance enhancement. You go, baby Schleck--the way you've improved, and with Frank hopefully in one piece, next year the yellow jersey could be yours!

Oh No, Samu!: please please please please let him third! Fine, we love Samuel Sanchez, like anyone else at Euskaltel-Euskadi ever, blows at the time trial. In fact, I fully expect Denis Menchov to dope-smack him harder than Lance on Klodi (poor Klodi!). So how cosmically unfair is it that with precious seconds over Menchov, Samu hit the tarmac yesterday like...well, Lance on Klodi? Still, our brave Samu did claw back some time on Denis, but then, he's a god (shut up, is too! like anyone else cares) and Menchov pisses me off. Come on, Samu, I refuse to believe you can't do it--remember Carlos Sastre of all riders' smashing last-minute tt two years ago?

The Love Boat: yep, having lost his final chance for self-gratification, Lance Armstrong has officially left the building, leisurely suckin' down daquiris on the Lido deck and not even bothering to help Levi out beyond sayin' thanks for being my !@#$% even after I couldn't hold team leadership and, by the way, hit the ground you insignificant peon 'cause I need a squirming doormat to wipe off my bike shoes on. Wow, it sure pays to work with Armstrong--just ask Contador! Or Tyler, or Floyd, or Hincapie, or....

Green Is Good: meantime, the battle for the precious maillot vert ain't over yet, and while that oft-wanker Cav may indeed get all those boring "wins," the fabulous Thor Hushovd can still take that sucker in Paris, so let's all send massive good karma to a boy who deserves it even more than, particularly considering a certain Lampre someone's current investigation for cutting-edge doping practices, late-career resurgent sprintster Petacchi. After all, who couldn't root for this face?

An Apology, and a Plea for Dough: finally, I'd like to apologize to my faithful reader for being relatively absent this last crucial week o' the Tour, as my much-needed "job" has massively interfered with the enormous amount of web-scannin', rumor-mongering, and generally odious muck-raking it takes to keep this obscure enterprise running. Ergo, in the vein of the fine Floyd Landis, I hereby announce the creation of the "Racejunkie Get Me the Hell Out of This Noisome Gig and Into a Life of Unearned Leisure Fund," with the added bonus that, not only will this greatly improve the dubious quality of my posts, but I'm not even a thieving skank-dwelling weasel-faced liar--I really *do* want your moolah for genuinely the greedy undeserving self-serving reasons stated above. Thanks, and I look forward to serving you better--on your dime, of course!


cyntax said...

OK, he earned it. He slowed down the peloton for Sammy (not that that cost him anything), and he didn't try to nip Schleck at the line. And I'm saying that as someone who wasn't pulling for him.

And I think much of what seems like hubris with him (like that wink he gave Andy) is really just awkwardness. After all, we're talking about a guy who thinks it's cool to give the cameras a finger-bang as crosses the finish line.

If that doesn't show a diminished capacity in social situations, than I don't what does.

Anonymous said...

Hope you are getting your work caught up and can join the fray soon, or is that lead the fray?

Heard that Contador tried to wait for someone and Sastre would have no part of it!
: -)

randie said...

"a sexy new Lance Armstrong/Jan Ullrich epic rivalry" is exactly what this sport needs. Except that I would not describe the Lance/Jan combo as "sexy."

Rosemary said...

I agree Randie! And RJ, will you be setting up Paypal?

Tomorrow we will find our way to a spot to watch the riders in Paris. My 7 year old isn't very tall...
neither am wish us luck!

Oh, just for clarification, I am not the "Rosemary" posting on that Contador's win is "negated" by stage 15.