Saturday, August 02, 2014

Boom! It's Transfer Season!; Not Enough Cookes in the Kitchen; and, Oleg Freaks Out (Again)

Oleg, You Tease!: oh no, not the plebeian August 1 announcement date for crazed Tinkoff-Saxo oligarch Oleg Tinkov: (1) he'll only sign with Peter Sagan if he gets 1000 re-twits; and (2) he's gonna make "big" announcements when he darn well feels like it, thank you, so all youse waiting for Alberto Peter & Ivan's new gig's can just wait you peasants! Meantime, Oleg also went off on two other fronts: yes, having never had a problem with accused bio-passport violator/key Alberto lieutenant Roman Kreuziger from the announcement til now, he's apparently decided there *is* a problem with his backup star (particularly with Rafal Majka and Mick Rogers having shown 'im up), 'cause now outta nowhere he tweeted UCI he's gonna sue their !@# for not having warned 'im of Roman's little bust before he went & signed a contract with the sleazebag. Oh, and he says ignorant American cycling journalists can spew their !@#$ and screw. !@#$, UCI, you didn't send over a bottle of champagne when Tinkoff won their stages or something? WELL NOW YOU'LL PAY FOR IT YOU INSOLENT SCUM! Oh, c'mon Oleg, what's a little haematocrit between friends?

B is for Bloodbath: meantime, after Cadel woofed at the Giro, Hushovd retired and they had a good but not astonishing Tour, BMC's now decided to gut its roster, cutting out a good dozen poor saps and, especially with Alonso's new gig still up in the air (and likely to Hindenburg), leaving guys like we love Samuel Sanchez completely adrift for next season. BMC, you better let Samu' have his way at the Vuelta--aupa Samuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! As for Astana, Vino's loading up on talent like Nib's sorta-Tour-de-France-rival Lars Boom, and, unless Sky gets their act together over the winter, we can likely expect another giant smackdown of the shaky Froome team next year. Go Vino, you dirty wily s.o.b.!

C is For Cooke, That's Good Enough For Me: over in scandalous-autobio news, former world champ Nicole Cooke's laying it down, not only excoriating the loss of the crappy opportunities for women even she had when she was still riding, but also busting out fellow competitors who shall remain nameless who she came in second to who she *knew* were doping. Wait a minute--the piddly dough they paid these women, and they *still* managed to come up with good enough !@#$ to beat the tests--what the hell could they even afford to be popping, gummy bears?

Retirements That Suck: meantime, a fond if bummed farewell to Brit speed goddess (and former Giro Donne mountains classification too!) Emma Pooley, hanging up her bike shoes with a bangin' palmares including a farewell Commonwealth Games silver medal and apparently heading off to do tri, which despite the roadies' snob thing over it I think she deserves to be cut some slack for. Allez Emma whatever you do--but road racing'll be a little less smashing without you in it!

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