Thursday, August 14, 2014

Alberto! Cipollini! Stybar! and, We Heart Dopers, Buy Our Cars!

The Wheels Are Comin' Off: yes, broken leg or no, hors-categorie-masochist Alberto Contador's gonna ride the Vuelta, although he sez he's kaput for the general classification and will *maybe* be able to challenge for a stage win in the third week, which means either (1) he's gonna leave everyone in the dust on stage 1 and never look back or (2) Oleg threatened to personally ride 130 kilometers back and forth over Contador's head if he didn't salvage something from this season. Good luck Alberto--and for !@#$'s sake, Oleg, if heck forbid he busts anything else let him go home and rest for a while already!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight (We Hope): and, speedy get-well wishes to legendary world champ/sprint stud Mario "the Chest" Cipollini, right-hooked by a car while out training and, sadly, busting the same knee he capped for Christmas back in 2005 and surgery-bound. Rimettiti presto Cipo--I'm sure you'll be back on your bike and back to flashing your wares real soon!

Barriers Suck: more and more quick-repair wishes, by the way, to Quick Step's Zdenek Stybar, who went end over end in a truly horrific clip into the barriers at the Eneco Tour and bashed his jaw, teeth, and general head. Geez, how treacherous this beautiful and frightening sport can be--stay safe guys, and for !@#$'s sake figure out a way to fix those things!

Jaysus, Haven't They Heard of "Googling" Somebody Before?: finally, congrats to the venerable Ford Motor Company for choosing busted doper Kayle Leogrande to pimp its new Ford Mustang, which--hey, the ad's already been removed, how the hell are we supposed to mock you clowns for a full day? Oh, well, at least this gives some hope to Riccardo Ricco' about his career prospects....


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