Wednesday, June 22, 2011

RadioSkank Is Scr!@#d!

Oh, Poor Levi: first, yes, I *am* personally a former Tour de France winner who's personally guided one of the best cyclists in history *and* the little twerp upstart I screwed over for him and he still won anyway to like half the Tour wins in the last generation, so !#@$ off, I *do* have the right to this opinion. Second, what the hell is RadioSkank thinking? Four GC contenders? Figuring out halfway through the race which one's got the legs then putting the other three guys who've already whacked themselves senseless trying to get the honor half-uselessly at his service? And tho' neither Levi, Klodi, Horner, nor Janez have mercifully shown any irritating signs over their (largely) long careers that they've got insufferable Lance-ian egos, so I suppose we needn't worry about any of them smiling with their heads then trying to kick the nuts off their intra-team rivals with their feet, does anyone else remember what happened the last time Johan decided to let the best rider win? Yes, a win, to be fair, but arguably the single bitchiest-behaved team and podium in Tour de France history, and this time, Bruyneel ain't quite got those freaks-o-nature to rely on. Dang, Johan, all those guys have talent to spare--if you want more'n just some stage wins, at least give one of them a no-holds-barred blitz of undisputed 100% support from day one til the chosen one chokes before dissing 'im!

Aw, Rats!: and, the 'Skank's roster also leaves we love Robbie McEwen at home, which not only inevitably dulls the sprint finishes, but dumps the entire responsibility for aggressive head-butting, violent outbursts, and general fisticuffs on poor Mark Cavendish, who, though undeniably a brilliant (and yes, Cav fans, very dashing too) sprinter, has frankly already got enough to worry about with Thor and Tyler set to stomp him out of the green jersey. Don't worry Cav, you'll still get a good half the sprints--just pray your hired goons' antics don't show up on the replay!

The Union of the Snake is on the Cliiiii-iiiimb: meantime, fallout continues from banned cheat-weasel Riccardo "the Cobra" Ricco' (now claiming his catastrophic incapacitating health crisis wasn't due to bad blood, but a really, really bad cold)'s cheap-shot sneak into a local gran fondo to help his buds, mainly in the form of hysterical "free Ricco'!" screeching from his Manchurian-Candidate brainwashed fans and sensible pleas from calmer tifosi just begging the nasty little squirt to go away. Oh, so he's banned from riding on the entire planet by his own cycling fed--he could always be someone's really, really, really helpful soigneur, right? Wait, maybe that's not such a good idea...unless you *like* 250 visits from the narcs a day!

Bow, Quick Step!: in transfer news, I see we love Tom Boonen has graciously decided to stay with ungrateful smack-talking jerkface Patrick Lefevere over at Quick Step now that the latter's turned unctuously complimentary, which makes me think there's *some* possibility the squad might actually give Tom the support he needs from now on. Hint: negative reinforcement doesn't work with 'im, you troll--but can you *try* to find a happy medium that doesn't involve an OD's worth of saccharine?

Is He or Isn't He? Part Deux: finally, speculation's still high as to Andy Schleck's form leading up to the Tour de France, with estimates continuing to range from "crap" to "don't worry! He's super! I swear!" Me, I'm just hoping that, with Rabobank sworn to revenge in July over Leopard-Trek heartily picking up the pace during the pleasant Bauke Mollema's ill-timed flat at the Tour de Suisse, Andy finally quits wanking about Chaingate from now on. He sure sounds confident: Oh, Schlecks, if we love Jens has your back, I've got no choice but to root for you anyway...

PS: I'm delighted, as I'm sure everyone is, to hear that Mauricio Soler continues to improve, and it looks like he has, fortunately, escaped any spinal cord injury. Keep it up Mauricio!

1 comment:

Doug said...

So Lay-oh-pard didn't wait and sip tea when someone had a little problem? Fudge! Who'da thunk!! I wonder what mind games WhineyAndy will play this TDF? Bertie may not be lovable, but he has cojones! Keep up the great posts!