The French Take Alberto Contador Down

Busted!: oh yeah, baby, one of the most damaging and controversial doping scandals in Tour de France history is over: the French gendarmes have definitively nailed and stripped all results from 2010 Tour "champion" Alberto Contador for...um...riding down the Galibier without a tail-light. Voila'--after generations of their own innocent countrymen losing the Tour to dirty cheating foreign swine, the honor of the French Republic has been restored! Oh, sure, Alberto, they've long packed away that horrid guillotine, it's just a few years in the craphole basement of the Bastille being gnawed by rats now--but no pate' for you, you thieving little sh*@!

Thoooooooooooooooooooooor!: and, as you've certainly heard, we love world champion Thor Hushovd has finally broken the Curse of the Rainbow Jersey, taking an uphill sprint at the Tour de Suisse and, along with the happy news that Tyler Farrar has decided despite his mourning for his dear friend Wouter Weylandt to ride the Tour de France after all, getting ready to unload a two-pack of whup-!@# on Mark Cavendish come July. Here's Thor with the win--now bow, peons!

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Musical Saddles: in transfer news, supreme peloton smack-talker (and, come to think of it, just plain smacker) Robbie McEwen, currently of the heinous RadioSkank, is heading to GreenEdge, Sylvain Chavanel apparently has buckets of lucrative offers from everywhere, and Quick Step head Patrick Lefevere, who's spent most of the season insulting Tom Boonen like a wanker, is suddenly swooning again over our erstwhile ex-party boy and is begging him to stay with the squad. I don't know, Tommeke--if this is love, what the hell is Lefevere gonna do to you when you piss him off?