Mauro Santambrogio's Doping Poz: the (Alleged!) Perp Weighs In

When Riccardo Ricco's Got the High Ground, You Know You're !@#ed: Yap, yap, another day, another Vini Fantini doping poz, but what's *really* been impressive has been the immediate and total rider condemnation of Giro d'Italia stage phenom Mauro Santambrogio in the twit-sphere. Big disappointment of the day: the Cav-whacked Elia Viviani, who after a so-close-but-yet-so-far run at the Giro finally bagged his first sprint of the season at the Dauphine only to be grossly overshadowed by the latest moron. By far the best rider reaction of the day: ex-racer/aspiring bartender near-deadly-doping-dumb!@# Riccardo "the Cobra" Ricco', who delightedly suggested that all these guys he personally *knows* were stoked to the gills and were going all moralist today ought to please examine their own consciences. But if they're not benefiting from doping *now*, it's not fair they're getting beaten, is it? Keep this up Ricco' you weasel, and I may actually end up loving you almost as much as I do that other unrepentant hater-o-hypocrites Vinokourov! Naaaaahhhhhh....

What, Me Worry?: still, it's only fair to make sure poor ol' Santambrogio has his say, which he certainly did: "I can only say I'm in disbelief that this happened." Hey, don't feel bad Mauro, me too--I figured Danilo Di Luca taught you how to do that !@#$ *right*! Oh, wait...

Talkin' 'Bout (His) Generation: in happy news, the spawn of peerless (if, y'know, imperfect in his past) sprinter Erik Zabel, Rabobank protege Rick Zabel--already a frighteningly good fastman at the tender age of 19--has scored a sweet pro gig with Cadel Evans' BMC. Still, the boy is modest, looking forward to learning from pretty well the entire roster of high-caliber idols and hoping to be a nice little helpmate for the team. I doubt you got much to worry about Rick--and it's good to see a Zabel back on the tarmac!

Those Were the Days: and, before Mauro demands his B-sample, slinks off into the sunset, kisses a buncha babies for a coupla years and returns as a rabid anti-doping advocate and weepy penitent for the peloton youngsters, here's his Stage 14 win at the Giro: Damn, Nibali, I guess you shoulda kept it for yourself!

Danilo Wants a Do-Over; Lance Chimes In; and, Last Chance to Call the Podium and Win!

So Are We Pissed 'Cause He Doped, Or Pissed 'Cause He Just Doped Stupid?: yes, the Giro d'Italia stage was canceled but the drama went on: Danilo "Strawberry Shortcake" Di Luca, previously busted for using so much masking agent he topped out with lower testosterone levels than a Ken doll, was nailed yet again for EPO. Danilo's take? He's optimistically--if delusionally--waiting for the B sample before he talks. Peloton reaction was, natch--and surely on the iron-fisted advice of their PR folks--swift. My fave tweet: Movistar's recent stage winner Benat Inxtausti telling Di Luca discreetly, in Italian, to shove it up his !@#. Hey, you ever suggest that to yer incredibly clean teammate Alejandro "Bloodbag" Valverde? Thought not! Lance Armstrong, of course, got all the attention, calling Di Luca a "f___ing idiot," but apparently just for getting nailed, not the actual cheating. Geez Lance, if Danilo had your power, your sponsorship dough, your expensively stoked-to-the-gills domestiques to fuel your astonishing palmares, *and* yer machiavellian mastermind Johan Bruyneel in his pocket, maybe *he* could have afforded the obscenely huge $$$ to be as "smart" as you too! Friendly note to nearly-deadly-inept drug-stuffing life-banned mountains freak Riccardo Ricco': coincidental timing or not, tweeting a pic of you and Danilo riding together is *not* doing the boy any favors. you're *not* doing Danilo Di Luca any favors tweeting a pic of the two of you riding together. !@#$, just post photos of the two of you with syringes in your rumps giving the camera a big thumbs-up whydontcha?

It's the Mountain o' Truth, Baby!: finally, while Cav sits tight awaiting his inevitable win on Sunday, there's now just one truncated day left for the podium fighters to make their cases, so I, for one, am expecting a full-on attackfest brawl between Cadel, Rigoberto, Michele and (for the stage win--shut up! will too!) Samuel Sanchez. So enter here, brownnose me about the superior fabulousness of Euskaltel, grab eternal glory, and win yourself a cycling cap! The profile (so far this evening): Forza, forza Cadel and Samu--and watch out for those neon snakes at Lampre!

RadioSkank Is Scr!@#d!

Oh, Poor Levi: first, yes, I *am* personally a former Tour de France winner who's personally guided one of the best cyclists in history *and* the little twerp upstart I screwed over for him and he still won anyway to like half the Tour wins in the last generation, so !#@$ off, I *do* have the right to this opinion. Second, what the hell is RadioSkank thinking? Four GC contenders? Figuring out halfway through the race which one's got the legs then putting the other three guys who've already whacked themselves senseless trying to get the honor half-uselessly at his service? And tho' neither Levi, Klodi, Horner, nor Janez have mercifully shown any irritating signs over their (largely) long careers that they've got insufferable Lance-ian egos, so I suppose we needn't worry about any of them smiling with their heads then trying to kick the nuts off their intra-team rivals with their feet, does anyone else remember what happened the last time Johan decided to let the best rider win? Yes, a win, to be fair, but arguably the single bitchiest-behaved team and podium in Tour de France history, and this time, Bruyneel ain't quite got those freaks-o-nature to rely on. Dang, Johan, all those guys have talent to spare--if you want more'n just some stage wins, at least give one of them a no-holds-barred blitz of undisputed 100% support from day one til the chosen one chokes before dissing 'im!

Aw, Rats!: and, the 'Skank's roster also leaves we love Robbie McEwen at home, which not only inevitably dulls the sprint finishes, but dumps the entire responsibility for aggressive head-butting, violent outbursts, and general fisticuffs on poor Mark Cavendish, who, though undeniably a brilliant (and yes, Cav fans, very dashing too) sprinter, has frankly already got enough to worry about with Thor and Tyler set to stomp him out of the green jersey. Don't worry Cav, you'll still get a good half the sprints--just pray your hired goons' antics don't show up on the replay!

The Union of the Snake is on the Cliiiii-iiiimb: meantime, fallout continues from banned cheat-weasel Riccardo "the Cobra" Ricco' (now claiming his catastrophic incapacitating health crisis wasn't due to bad blood, but a really, really bad cold)'s cheap-shot sneak into a local gran fondo to help his buds, mainly in the form of hysterical "free Ricco'!" screeching from his Manchurian-Candidate brainwashed fans and sensible pleas from calmer tifosi just begging the nasty little squirt to go away. Oh, so he's banned from riding on the entire planet by his own cycling fed--he could always be someone's really, really, really helpful soigneur, right? Wait, maybe that's not such a good idea...unless you *like* 250 visits from the narcs a day!

Bow, Quick Step!: in transfer news, I see we love Tom Boonen has graciously decided to stay with ungrateful smack-talking jerkface Patrick Lefevere over at Quick Step now that the latter's turned unctuously complimentary, which makes me think there's *some* possibility the squad might actually give Tom the support he needs from now on. Hint: negative reinforcement doesn't work with 'im, you troll--but can you *try* to find a happy medium that doesn't involve an OD's worth of saccharine?

Is He or Isn't He? Part Deux: finally, speculation's still high as to Andy Schleck's form leading up to the Tour de France, with estimates continuing to range from "crap" to "don't worry! He's super! I swear!" Me, I'm just hoping that, with Rabobank sworn to revenge in July over Leopard-Trek heartily picking up the pace during the pleasant Bauke Mollema's ill-timed flat at the Tour de Suisse, Andy finally quits wanking about Chaingate from now on. He sure sounds confident: Oh, Schlecks, if we love Jens has your back, I've got no choice but to root for you anyway...

PS: I'm delighted, as I'm sure everyone is, to hear that Mauricio Soler continues to improve, and it looks like he has, fortunately, escaped any spinal cord injury. Keep it up Mauricio!