Ivan Basso, Superstar!/

Do You Think You're What They Say You Are?: many thanks to the eagle eyes and general geniuses over at trustbutverify, who found that UCI has now signed St. Ivan of Varese as the comely repentant face of their new anti-doping campaign, to the swooning sighs of a bizarrely smitten Pat "Dick" McQuaid, dithered like a little girl at a Jonas Brothers concert at the prospect of having such a shining (and pretty!) example of sincere redemption as its poster boy. Indeed, lauds our Pat, he, like St. David Millar, is the voice of a new cycling,,presumably the voice that says that if you start sobbing about your horror at doping on cue or publicly cuddling helpless bambini *after* your !@# has been caught, and if you're young, bankable, and charming enough to catch Pat's eye, all your sins are forgiven, but if you're an aging star on a popularity downslide who can't stand to be a total camera slut, you're just flat cooked. Um, not to stir up trouble, Pat (all right, I'm lyin'), but doesn't UCI sort of have rather a lot to do with the ProTour, and didn't Liquigas just tell the ProTour to completely !@#$$% by hiring your winged acolyte in defiance of his additional required two-year ProTour ban? So did Liquigas or Basso cut a deal with you disgusting hypocrite clowns, or has your (completely understandable) crush on the boy simply rolled over your insufferable morality crusades like a tank? Inquiring minds want to know!

Sigh. Our beautiful cycling is fast becoming the sweaty stinking armpit of the sporting world. Can't we all just have one untainted day of bike-racing so we can uninhibitedly enjoy what remains of our innocence? Well, the unimpeachable we love George Hincapie's riding the Toura Missoura I hear, and at least most of the boys in that race haven't the budget to score anything more potent than a double espresso....