It's Yer Giro de Italia in Preview, Part Tre: The Sprinters, the Stage Hunters, and a Dance Performance for the Ages!

 Holy crap tifosi, we made it--it's just one day til the fabulous Giro d'Italia!  The teams are presented, the coffee-table shrine to hot pink glory's in place, the spritz is ready to be poured--so let's plunge in for our last minute preview of Giro Stuff We Really Wanna Happen!

1. The Sprinters: well, wee Caleb Ewan sez he's all-in to win at least one stage in the Giro, Tour, and Vuelta this year, and if his form so far is any indication, for once, this isn't any of that casually arrogant sprinter bull!@#$ that sent me screaming toward the discreet exploits of the mountaineers who let their legs (and an occasional well-chosen insult) do the talking when first (and frankly, by far still) I got into this sport. So why not? Forza Caleb!  Of course, it's all overshadowed now by the bitter dispute between horrific face-smashing crash survivor Fabio Jakobsen and accidental near-career-destroyer Dylan Groenewegen, who appeared to reach detente after some incredibly gracious statements by Jakobsen, some serious time to heal, a controversial 8-month UCI ban and careful withdrawal by Groenewegen, some tentative forgiveness from the peloton, and, just yesterday unfortunately, a harsh rebuke of an apparently wholly unapologetic and unself-aware Groenewegen bragging about a productive, brotherly, and theoretically confidential meeting with Fabio that Jakobsen himself took a totally and far-less congratulatory view of.  Please just let Fabio heal inside and out, whatever else happens between you boys! Other fast men to watch this year, at least til they hit the base of the Zoncolan and have the sense and self-preservation to say "!@#$ this !@#$ !": Elia Viviani, coming off a coupla crap seasons with buckets to prove and who will stick it out to the end anyway to honor the race; Dylan Groenewegen, who better watch his back as well as the wheel in front of him; Giacomo Nizzolo and Fernando Gaviria, equally eager to and capable of delivering for the home crowd; that punk Moscon, on very good form; and, of course, not-a-pure-sprinter-but-you-better-not-!@#$-with-him Peter Sagan, freshly shorn, wily as hell, and, of course, with the kind of legendary panache the Giro lives for.  Forza Elia--just watch out for those dumb!@# motos this time, willya?

2. The Stage Hunters: as usual, there are several opportunities here for breakout stardom: days when the route is hilly but not so treacherous as to waste the time and energy of the GC contenders; and days when we hit the highest high passes and the childhood dreams of triumphant mountaintop glory are coldly shunted aside in favor of marking one's GC rivals and simply squashing any dangerous pretentions of podium-place one-upmanship.  You want flowers, or you want the Trofeo Senza Fine, pal?  Anyhow, we've got a plethora of big talent here, some in the twilight of their careers, some at the beginning looking to justify the hype and up their contract-season bargaining power, and the occasional, unknowable breakout shocker with his heart on his sleeve and--well, just don't !@#$ this up with an illegal supertuck, punk!  My picks, and yes, they're 90% ex-Euskatel who SHOULD BE HERE YOU INGRATES: we  love Gorka Izaguirre, as bro Ion takes a well-deserved rest; Filippo Ganna, surprisingly vulnerable this season in the time trials but cut him some !@#damn slack whydontcha the man's not a robot which if you all recall is actually a *good* thing; Jai Hindley, who'd love to prove that last year's exploits weren't a freak of weird timing and a !@#$ed-up field; LL Cool Sanchez, who started as a baby with Contador but is still at the front of every break and attack and deserves a last GT stage just for grinta; Nibs, who if he realizes he can't fight for GC will nonetheless crush the pain like a mosquito and go for a yuge mountaintop finale; Basso and Contador's boys in to stretch their legs and impress their legendary bosses at least in the breaks; we love Pello Bilbao, who we'll particularly love if he crushes himself for Landa and still manages the time and good luck to be let out to go for a mere stage win; guys that are unjustifiably hyped for GC like Buchmann, sometimes-not-quites-but-still-really-really-goods like Bardet and Soler; and for me, most of all, I'd love Mikel Nieve to take another stage, because frankly, that victory in 2018 at Cervinia on his 34th birthday 7 years to the day from his last one right in front of me literally made me cry.  Aupa grandeeeeeeeeeees!

3. Ceeeeee-le-brate Good Times, Come On!: finally, I'd be incredibly remiss in my interminable run-on sentences if I didn't stop to praise the remarkable pre-race team presentation, with not only a lovely orchestra, lushly talented singer, parade of otherwise-banned podium babes in those reliable cyclist standbys six inch stilettos bearing flags, and oh, right, the *riders* and even (respectful touch, I thought) the DSes, but also a Cirque-de-Soleil/Madonna-in-her-Vogue-Period/Bondage-esque dance performance, which you really, really oughta look up on the internet because I'm mostly geo-barred here.  So with that, and EF and Bardiani's trippy new kits, searing our eyeballs, time to bust out the Europop, kick back with some lovely Tuscan reds, and get ready for the of course the mountains, but also the gravel stretches that'll probably make or break this whole show!