More Trouble on the Olympic Track; and, Welcome Back, Contador!

'Round and 'Round: so, you wanna know why the British are 10 bazillion times better'n everyone else on earth at track events? Well, forget that "they have a proud tradition of track cycling" or "they respect and nurture athletes in the discipline" or even just "Sir Chris Hoy is a rider for the ages" crap, because the French, of course, have got it nailed: yes, the Brits are using Ultra-Bitchin' Super-Duper Top-Secret Mega-Wily James Bond Spy Wheels on their bikes! And how do we know this? Because they Sneak 'Em In the Velodrome in Way-Devious Uber-Sneaky Opaque Bike Wheel Bags! Ah, yes, that *must* be it--if the French hadn't been pedaling those granite-wheeled foot-propelled Flintstone vehicles all these years, they'd've been tearing up the track *and* their own Grand Tour! Heck, nothin' like a paranoid conspiracy theory and gallons of cheap wine to soothe the dope-slapped collective ego...

Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome!: okay, so either you like 'im or you don't. You think he's either a drug-snarfin' cow-slandering cheat-weasel, or an innocent accidental contaminant-ingestor. You think he's either one of the greatest stage-racers in cycling history, or one of its biggest (after, well, y'know) frauds. But I think we can *all* agree that whether Alberto's an angel, a devil, or just plain adorable, he sure whines less than a Schleck, don't he! Anyhoo, Contador's back from his ban, he's humbly learned his lesson--if "screw you, I'll still kick your !@#" is a lesson--and already stretchin' his legs with his posse at the Eneco Tour before he whomps the bejeezus outta everyone in the Vuelta. Bienvenido a casa, Alberto--good or bad, it's been a looooooong six months without you!