Yer Mid-Week Paris-Nice Roundup

1. It's a good thing Andy Schleck actually had gastroenteritis to excuse his performance. Because--and I say this as someone who will personally nut-knee anyone who disses my beautiful mountain gods at Euskaltel--when the boys in black and orange beat your !@# in a time trial, you *know* you suck but good.

2. Tummyache, got it. So, apparently, do half these poor guys, including Thor which completely explains him falling off the back like a brick every stage so far (shut up!). So Frank, what's *your* excuse?

3. Tommeke. It's so great to see him back, physically and most of all mentally, in the game. Ten bucks sez he posts another soft-core shower video on youtube before the season's out!

4. Gustav Larsson. Yes, the conditions sucked for the later boys. Still, like you honestly saw that coming?

5. Jeeeeeeeennnnnnnssssss! Did you *see* his freakin' time trial? Jeeeeennnnnsssss!

6. Alejandro Valverde. It's funny how, when Ivan Basso came back from his Op Puerto ban, it took him over a season to get back to a remotely similar level. Valverde, by contrast, has started winning right away. Funny.

7. Speaking of whom, Ivan Basso. What the !@#$? Get out of the middle of the pack already !@#dammit!

8. Sep Vanmarcke. There ain't no moss growin' on that kid. Canniest up-and-coming fastman I think since Freire.

9. RadioSkank. Just...give Horner the GC for the Tour, alright Johan? But nice try today Klodi!

10. NBC Sports. We get it. 896 races since 2010 now have new winners since horrible Contador's horrible doping ban. Who gives? It's not like he's not gonna take Murcia again next year anyway. On a quasi-related note, am I the only who is absolutely *diggin'* that Alberto is dope-slapping Pat "Dick" McQuaid by posting a photo of himself training on his bike every two seconds on his Twitter feed?

Well, them's mine. I see Tirreno-Adriatico is rollin'. Cav, you want Cipo for a lead-out? I hear he's back on the market!