Gent-Wevelgem--Semi-Classic, All-Bitchin'!

Tommeke Tommeke Tommeke!: yes, he may be sportingly pegging Cancellara for Flanders and Roubaix, but ya gotta say (aw rats, *now* I've cursed 'im), after his wins at E3 Harelbeke and the bone-rattlin' Gent-Wevelgem this weekend, resurgent pinup Tom Boonen's lookin' preeeeeeeety sweet out there! Meantime, we're clearly seeing the more annoying side of Mark Cavendish losing the Edit button on his internal word processor, as he wanks away about losing a wheel on the Kemmelberg like it was that guy's fault and not just taking his lumps for being the fastest man on the planet (not a bad thing to be, by the way) but descending for less'n squat today. Giant bonus points for the mellow Edvald Boassen-Hagen for whacking an assclown who drove him sideways in the sprint and, especially, for the announcers at Sporza for having, so far as I could tell with my doofus American nonlanguage skills, an approximately five-minute argument on how to pronounce "Tyler Farrar." Here, the fabulous Tommeke finishes it off: Ga Boonen!--and if Google Translate just made me insult your grandma, sincerest apologies big guy!

Cadel Evans: Saving BMC's Butt Since 2010: and, congrats to defending Tour de France champ/hardworkin' new dad Cadel for a well-earned win in the Criterium International, even though Jens should've won it but clearly Johan Bruyneel has destroyed the career of everyone from CSC/SaxoBank ever, which just goes to show that Andy Schleck oughta start cryin' in his beer, and/or Frank's, right about now. Just hold out for a Tour without a time trial, Andy--I'm sure they'll fix the course for 2013!

Euskaltel Takes Off: last but not least, I'd just like to point out that while Albasini actually won the Volta a Catalunya, it was Samu Sanchez for the win ahead of the bunch sprint no less on a genuine wreck of a stage 6, and, since I'm gonna gloat all season every time they win anyway, we might as well get started right now. And speaking of Euskaltel, what the !@#$'s the sponsor wailing about making 'em change their team kit next season--don't fix what ain't broken you goons, I like their Halloween team kit just dandy!