On the Road Again/I Can't Wait to Get (to Watch Everyone Else) on the Road Again

It's Paris-Nice, Baby!: yes, it's time for the Classics and Grand Tour prospects to really start to get twitchy--and paranoiacally parse each others' developing form--as Paris-Nice hits the road, honey! The parcours: bookended by a coupla time trials, the last day's uphill--and what's sure to be a disconcerting 90% chance of rain for tomorrow. The startlist: damn near everyone, including a cautiously optimistic defending-bad-!@# Tony Martin, Valverde, Ivan, Damiano, Wiggo, Samu', Tommeke, Jens (bow, beeyotches!), and, of course, Thor. Yap, yap, GC, yap--Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnssssssssss!

A Word From the RadioSkank "Oh, !@#$!" Department: meantime, I'm not sayin' this is a sign the French have been chaining Thomas Voeckler like a dog inside a wind tunnel since last August or nothin', but the Tour de France organizers sure seem to want to smack Andy Schleck off the podium at least: they've actually increased the amount of time trial miles ahead of the race this July. Hey, Andy, you were already warned to ride the Giro this year--tho' I'd rather you not treat *that* superior race you still wouldn't win this year like a cheap consolation prize!

Mmmmmm...Donuts: and, forget such trivial concerns as "your stupid ban left me without a GC contender" or "Saxo Bank is making me pay off their sponsorship scrubbing the men's room in their headquarter with my teeth" or "you're the jackwagon who pulled a BMC and left me with no freakin' firepower"--what's *really* coming between Alberto Contador and Bjarne these days ahead of Alberto's August return, apparently, is donuts. Specifically, Contador *wants* donuts, and Bjarne won't let him *have* donuts, so our sugar-suckin' diva is reportedly packing up and heading to Movistar, which not only has lots of, but will personally hook him up to an IV and feed him as much do--uh, donuts, as Alberto ever wants. Dang, Bjarne, I'll air-mail you a dozen from Dunkin' tonight if it'll help you two kiss and make up--just be glad the whiny little rugrat don't want a beefsteak!


It's That Damn Bionic Bike Again: finally, tho' of course I'm devastated an Italian didn't win, warm congrats to Fabian Cancellara on his first triumph o' the season at the Strade Bianche, particularly because, since I'm nice, it's gonna be the only thing keeping Johan Bruyneel from sobbing like a baby all year. Here's the action: