Thursday, January 05, 2012

The Truth Shall Set You Free...So Long As You Issue a Bull!@#$ Apology For It

Breaking News!: yes, the Pat McQuaid kerfuffle is officially over: after rather undiplomatically calling out the UCI head honcho for treating women cyclists with that special admiration and respect typically afforded only to plague-boil-spreading medieval rodent vermin, HTC standout Chloe Hosking, flanked by a solemn contingent of Aussie cycling federation officials, team management, UCI bosses, and sponsor representatives, finally issued a formal apology today at a press conference in Sydney, Australia. Said a contrite Hosking, "I'm sincerely sorry for the pain, embarrassment, and difficulty that my thoughtless and impetuous comments caused my teammates, my squad, my country, and my sport. I should never have called Pat McQuaid a d!@k. I should have called him a c!@t." There Pat--all better!

Yer Cringe-Inducing Headline o' the Week: okay, forget newly-returned Alejandro Valverde's blistering and clearly crack-headed assertion that the Op Puerto narcs were at fault for causing his ban by correctly identifying the DNA in his dirty filthy dopey bloodbags, as opposed to him, y'know, cheating like a skank: what *really* oughta concern you about his shiny-clean return to the peloton is the headline "Valverde Expects Time Trial Improvement After Suspension." Uh, am I the only one who thinks this'd, well, look bad? Damn, Alejandro, do you *wanna* be stuck full o' holes as a colander every night? You served your time, now keep suckin' at the time trial for !@#$'s sake--and don't come bitchin' that we didn't warn you when you get your !@# yanked from the peloton *again*!

He Is the Champion, My Friends: finally, don't think I don't love you, Cav fans: in recognition of his Team Sky debut, and a disappointing lack of recent soft-core photos from the usual suspects, I bring you the dashing Manxman's first official team photo in his World Champion stripes: Enjoy--you too, Cav!

2 comments:

Doug said...

Cav must have had his teeth fixed. They look great in that photo. He may not be everybody's favorite rider, but he did finish the TDF, something many other sprinters never did.

James said...

I really don't understand what the problem was with Ms. Hosking calling McQuaid a dick...it's right there in his first name! He knows he's a dick!