Wednesday, August 18, 2010

No, No, We're Only Protecting *Two* Doping Pigs!

Tricky Dick Steps Up: yes, UCI's Pat "Dick" McQuaid, having so far used the phenomenally expensive and incredibly underwhelming biological passport to nail Franco Pellizotti and such other prominent riders, has in no uncertain terms lashed back at his accusers: UCI's only hypocritically shielding *two* favored doper scumlords by ignoring their bio-passport violations, *not* the five scumlord dopers previously reported. Even better, none other than WADA is proud of their fine performance in assis--that is, eradicating wrongdoing throughout the sport. Well, I'm sure glad these cowardly enabler dirtwad slime-lovers are around to make sure the clean riders never have a chance against just a *coupla* well-stoked, UCI-beloved supertalents--thanks, skanks!

Lay The Hell Off Sastre, Already!: alright, I can't believe I've got to take the great Thor Hushovd to task--but screw you, buddy! Suckage enough that Cervelo's team boss had the total lack of class to announce that our Tour de France champ/new Geox prize wasn't offered even a lousy punk-!@# uncoordinated-neo-pro 10-euro Klodenesque wash-your-team-leader's-shorts contract for next year--*must* Thor of all riders have helpfully told the press that it was because Carlos--not having the best season, I'll concede, but still a force to be reckoned with dammit--really, really, really incredibly blows the last two years? I defended your sorry !@# in the green jersey hunt this year at the Tour this year, Thor--apologize like a man (or woman, maybe that would be better), we'll forget it all happened, don't *make* me say it, boy!

Vacansoleil, For the San Tropez Tan: and, as nimble climber Riccardo Ricco' waxes poetic about the joys of signing with Vacansoleil after his deal with Quick Step fell through (woo-hoo!), his new DS is equally showin' the love, enthusiastically proclaiming that first, they really tried to sign redeemed Op Puerto skeezemeister Michele Scarponi, then that tanked, *then* they wanted Euskaltel god Samu' Sanchez (who of course should have been their first choice, the undeserving goons), then when *that* tanked, he "kept looking and finally came up with Riccò." Damn, it's almost enough to make me feel sorry for the little weasel (cobra, whatever)--nope, that moment's already passed!

He Shoots, He Scores!: meantime, major congrats to Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen, largely luckless this season, who validates his fabulous decision to ride another year by winning a stage at the Eneco Tour. However, as there's yet no video of him taking the sprint for me to poach, let's completely randomly enjoy our etiquette expert teaching a young fan not to grab !@#$ off his bike without asking:

On the Road Again: finally, it's a warm, warm welcome back to everyone's favorite party boy, the knee-walloped Tom Boonen, back training at last and hoping for one last thwap at Cavendish & Co before the end of the season. Chin up, Tom--we believe in you! 'Til then, we'll just have to content ourselves gratuitously watching Tommeke getting a massage set to a 70's soft-porn soundtrack. Really, does it even matter what they're saying?


Tom said...

sorry to be so totally uncycling related, but how do you get your links underlined?


and also for the "thanks"

Anonymous said...

Apparently, the original Norwegian interview by Thor was not quite as bad as the English translation provided by Velonation. He didn't say that Sastre had a 'crap' two years. He said he was a bit surprised that Sastre was leaving but he felt Sastre had trouble getting his 'shit together' in the last two years.