Thursday, June 24, 2010

RadioSkank Says It All

"We Chose Pure Slaves": yes, unless this is some kind of hideously amusing April Fool's joke--perhaps unlikely, tho' not impossible, in late June--them's the actual words of Team RadioSkank DS Dirk Demol, describing Gert Steegmans' exclusion from the Tour de France squad, apparently on the grounds that, besides being a useless sprinter, the unbelievably arrogant little !@#$ has the gall to have a soul of his own. Oh, Levi, oh, Klodi--*look* at your own palmares(es?) for once--*listen* to the cruelly honest assessment of Demol--*how* can riders of your caliber debase yourselves tolerating this crap from this unappreciative !@#hat? Anyway, finally, someone calls it like it is in the service of that mindbogglingly egomaniacal tyrant-on-wheels--now, can Lance man up and do the same?

WUSS!: I call bull, WADA--UCI claims there really wasn't a single doper in the Tour de France last year, the narcs who aren't completely whipped see-no-evil team stooges miraculously found enough completely unnecessary medical waste to stoke a season's worth of "Intervention" episodes, and you *still* won't let AFLD in to do some of their own testing this year? You spineless jelly-limbed wussbags! Yes, I've no doubt this is the cleanest group of cyclists in all human history since the bloodbag vampires from Operacion Puerto. And yes, the French, who wholly forgive doping in their own riders but still can't field a winner for their own Grand Tour the last two decades, are perhaps not without ulterior motives. But *really*--you'll let AFLD hand you names then pass 'em to UCI so *they* can let anyone important off the hook? And no, you disgusting clowns--a first year neo-pro from Vacansoleil doesn't !@#$in' count!

Mr. Mojo Risin': yep, the final rosters for July are comin' out, and for me, with Skank Astana Saxo and BMC's deals pretty clear, the most interesting issue remaining is, what the hell is really gonna happen with Liquigas? Franco of the Euromullet beat the heck out of Ivan "GQ" Basso last season and, more importantly, now has the climber's jersey to defend at the Tour. But with Pellizotti out of the way at this year's Giro thanks to the UCI bullsh--I mean, biological--passport, Ivan's got the maglia rosa to shoo him in for unquestioned leadership except, I imagine, our fair Franco--if he's allowed to ride--is gonna question it anyway. Eatin' their young, again, anyone? Free Franco!

Jeannie In a Bottle: meantime, in cyclists-who-aren't-raging-@#$holes news, the amazing Jeannie Longo has taken her 467th consecutive French national (time trial) championship at age 51, which makes me think (1) Jens Voigt should really think about sticking around another decade or so and (2) everyone else in the peloton who retires is a quitter-simp. You go, sister--and see you next year!

Paolo Bettini Steps Up: last but not least, in the wake of beloved Italian cycling head honcho Franco Ballerini's sad demise, good pal and mentee Paolo Bettini really is stepping up as the next Commissario Tecnico for the Azzurri, and while he sounds a bit humbled by the legacy he has to uphold, for my money, the Italians really can't do better now than the man who was, to my mind, the best damn tactician ever in the peloton. Watch, remember, and learn, you pathetic brainless wannabes!


Tom said...

"we chooe pure slaves", god, we just get the most wonderful quotes from Lance and his merry band of wanks. I so wish I'd seen that before I finished my last post.

::sigh:: no matter, I'm sure there'll be no end to the places that one can be used. I may like it even more than "I say that with great respect".

Anonymous said...

wow, that article on radio shack to which you link reads like 'the onion' satire. i really did think it was a joke.