Lance Gets Pissed

The E! Red Carpet Fashion Review: yes, two weeks out from the Tour de France, the One's gone postal (no pun intended) over what really matters:Outside Magazine's Photoshop addition of the words "38. BFD." to his cover-shot t-shirt. Y'know, while I understand that was perhaps uncool, considering what they *could've* Photoshopped on there--like, say, an accusation from Floyd Landis--you really come off looking at worst like a desperately ironic hipster rather'n, say, (not that you are or ever have been!) being a giant doping dirtbag. Oh well--I guess no stickin' on devil horns in my next post about you, Mr. Sensitive!

The Little Engine That Couldn't: meanwhile, UCI's announced it's gonna have a scanner all ready for the Tour de France to detect mechanical bike doping, which means that, if they match their incredible record for catching actual drug-dopers at the Tour, they oughta come up with a bike poz sometime in 2015. Til then, have at, you weasel punks--you're still not gonna beat Cancellara!

It's the Giro del Trentino, Baby!: yep, as if doing this bitchin' race once wasn't enough, it's time for the women's Giro del Trentino, baby, with Cervelo's British bad-!@# Emma Pooley whomping the likes of Alessandro d'Ettorre, Judith Arndt and Trixi Worrack. What, no Cav-esque !@#$-you chest-thump?

Ivan Looks Ahead: in Grand Tour dreamboat news, I see our redeemed Ivan Basso is promising to be at his best at the Tour de France, and, curiously, his once-besotted tifosi--though still in love--are taking a more tempered view these days of his chances, particularly given his post-Operacion Puerto, well, lack of his previous strength in the time trial. Me, I gotta say, now that he's no longer the Mark Cavendish of Grand Tour contenders and, one hopes, clean as snow, I'm hoping he can at least rally to take a stage. After all, we already know he's pretty in pink--why not the maillot jaune as well?

Angels in Chains: in other Basso news, Ivan's equally-slinky sister Elisa and her smooch/disgraced ex-pro Eddy Mazzoleni have scored deferred sentences for dealing performance-enhancing drugs, and while I'm certainly happy for the hard-luck Basso clan, y'know, it's almost too bad--this had the makings of a great 1970's "Charlie's Angels" hot-babes-in-prison episode all over it: So Ivan, you gonna apologize for dragging your innocent sis into the disgusting cesspool of this sport, or what?

Riders We Miss o' the Week: finally, yes, I'll hold off on like-you-give-a-rat's-!@#-about-we-still-love Iban Mayo for now, as the Rosemary family is--quite rightly--missing the two-wheeled stylings of the fabulous Big Maggy Backstedt. So here he is winning something or other in 2007: Come back, Magnus, come back!