Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Burn in Hell, Vinokorouv!

No, Not for Doping: for screwing Andreas Kloden with your reckless stupidity, you wank! Who gives about your alleged homologous blood transfusions at this point, with half the Op Puerto riders apparently clogging the peloton--what possible moral and performance difference is there if you're all equal dope fiends? I don't care if you sucked Kashechkin dry frankly. But did you *have* to take Kloden down with you, after he lost valuable GC minutes dragging your sorry @#$ back to the peloton in the Alps? Aaaaiiigggghhhh!

A Parallel: y'know, I know there's going to be all sorts of idiot howling in the non-cycling press that obviously Vino was stoked in the time trial, how could he possibly have won it otherwise? Well, I've got two words for those morons: Floyd Landis. That's right, Floyd Landis. Doping or no (and of course given Vino's history my presumption is yes), I seriously doubt that's how Vino took the stage, at least by that sweet margin. First, both Landis and Vino had suffered spectacular cracks the day before. Second, therefore, they both had incredible blood-lust to redeem themselves the following day. Third, both crushed their rivals, Landis because the peloton grossly miscalculated and, preoccupied with remaining-GC-contender infighting, let him get far too far up the road without reeling him in, Vino because, well, as everyone's rightly been saying, the other boys, Cadel perhaps excepted, just didn't have it that day--they almost *all* rode worse'n expected. So if Vino was doping, it still wasn't enough to save him for the overall, and likely wasn't even decisive in the stage; it might've been a lot closer, but could that really have given him that much time over Cadel? And if Landis was doping on the way to Morzine, which I highly doubt (or at least I doubt he did so knowingly)--he didn't need to either. While we're at it, and rather unrelated to Floyd, I don't think Vino's success despite injuries was a tipoff, as my brother has already surmised--unless the blood he snarfed was spiked with an anaesthetic, he's just another Hamilton slogging uphill with a busted collarbone or a Petacchi riding along with a busted kneecap, typical bulldog Vino and cyclist status quo. So before everyone starts yipping how a la the Landis affair any dumbass would've seen he was cheating, can we all just keep in mind that (1) it likely didn't make such a big practical difference anyway, and (2) hardly any of you Nostradamuses were saying this the day before yesterday?

"I" is for "Irony": Of course, what's most interesting about this whole debacle is that a guy who's cavorted for years with the Social Register of European doping nonetheless managed to reinvent himself in the wake of the Liberty Seguros and T-Mobile takedowns as Prince Pureheart of the Cleanest Team on Earth, while teammates and DSes fell like dominoes all around him. Not that I don't wholly believe that your B sample will be as sparkling as you hope it will be, but nice work there Vino!

Reaction Roundup: Shameless St. Millar Defender, I was all set to give big points to your boy for shutting his yap fairly quickly on the situation, particularly given his knocking himself out for Iban Mayo the other day--though I was cracking up at his claim that he thought Vino "had class" til just now, as I suppose now that Millar's clean he's all kinds of Charm School--til it appeared he'd started sobbing for the cameras over yet another blow to sport and integrity. Damn, Millar, it's not like someone dear to you fell off the wagon after a long humble struggle with addiction--if he did do it, it's just another money-and-glory-grubbing s.o.b. caught in the act. *Must* we go over again exactly what led to your own martyrly 'fess-up? Meantime, ASO and UCI--the former, notoriously forgiving of any French rider with a banned supplement and a dream, the latter, having done quite a handsome job keeping the Op Puerto riders at the Tour start line since they 'ran out of time' to read the file--have predictably gone on the warpath again. So half the field is probably still stoked and riding thanks to you guys, and you're going to go all morally righteous over Astana? Please!

I Could Tell You Things About Peter Pan/And the Wizard of Oz, There's a Dirty Old Man!: well, deep in my post-newsbreak funk, I'm thinking that Jorg Jaksche might be right at this point, and maybe 3 percent of the peloton is clean. So, in an effort to cheer all us longtime but disillusioned tifosi up, and to not lose those sweetly naive newcomers to the Tour over the perception that there's no honor in this beautiful sport, I propose we all play "Who's the Cleanster?", on the grounds that there's gotta be *someone* for heck's sake. I'm banking on Jens Voigt and Carlos Sastre, Jens for his pure joyful slobbering attack-happiness, Sastre for his quiet hardworking humility. Anyone else care to play?

Tomorrow's Horoscope: sadly, panic for the lot of you, (1) scampering to recalibrate your tactics without Kloden to watch out for and (2) wondering which of you filthy cheats is gonna be both stupid and luckless enough to be caught next. On the plus side, things are looking up for Cadel, Levi, and we love little Sastre in the battle for 3d on the podium. Allez, allez!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Landis was dirty.

Leipheimer is dirty.

The sport is in danger of going under.

daniel m (a/k/a Rant) said...

Damn fine bit of writing there, racejunkie!

- Rant

Shameless St Millar Defender said...

Ok, ok, my boy went on a bit. But then, our Dave is an outspoken type and - miracle of miracles - he can string a coherent sentence together unlike too many other riders, so he gets quoted at length. Plus, he happened to be stuck in a roomful of journos when the news came out and was right on hand for reaction. So coherent sentence construction + on hand + journo laziness to find other sources = Millar "distressed".
Other thing you might want to think about - just how did L'Equipe get the name so fast? No least since the test was only conducted late Saturday and can't have begun testing before Sunday. The leak didn't come from the UCI this time, so unless L'Equipe got the list of rider test numbers (and it took them weeks with the Lance '99 samples, so I doubt it) it means the leak came from the lab and that they knew whose stuff they were testing. Which is Not A Good Thing At All, I'd say...