Friday, June 19, 2015

UCI Screws Sky! Tinkov Teases Sagan! Contador and Quintana Face Off! Aviva Tour Ignites! #cycling

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream (In Discomfort): well, screw the rolling hotel for Team Sky Tour de France captain Chris Froome: to the distinct annoyance of our pampered maillot jaune hope, effective immediately, UCI rule 2.2.010 specifies that riders *must* stay "in" the hotel accommodations offered by the race organizers. Special Tinkoff-Saxo exception: Oleg Tinkov retains the right to cram Peter Sagan "in" the hotel accommodation of the dumpster if he !@#$s up the Tour de France like he did the Classics. There's hope for you yet, Alberto!

Tough Love: meantime, the ever-erratic Oleg has, as far as I can count, changed his opinion about resurgent Tour de Suisse phenom Peter Sagan an approximate 34 times this week, alternately calling him a "good boy," telling him to go join Quick Step the ungrateful bastard because Oleg's sure not gonna whip out the checkbook again for his sorry !@#, and now, bizarrely, even complimenting him for today's second place finish to Kristoff. Damn, Oleg, make up your friggin' mind about the boy already--we're all trying to figure out exactly how much you're gonna hose Alberto by blowing domestique resources on the Saganator!

High Times: speaking of Contador, he's being typically obtuse--albeit tranquillo--about his form at the Route du Sud ahead of the first real climbs of the race, while Quintana, though always complimentary to his rivals, has made it clear that, after a long training period at home in Colombia, both mind and body are clear. Well, Nairo, at least Contador doesn't have another climber like Valverde to bushwhack him within his own squad in July--hmmm, between Sagan and Alejandro, who's gonna hurt who worse?

Viva Aviva!: finally, with the near-indestructible Marianne Vos already sidelined into commentating (but how cool she's commentating!) with a season's worth of ill-fortune and injury, speedy recovery to Aviva Women's Tour stage 1 champ Lizzie Armistead looking frightfully hurt--but luckily escaping unbroken--from her skirmish with the post-finish line photogs, and the remaining women going head-to-head in what seems to be a 5-stage sprint fest. So are these ginormous crowds finally convincing you wankers to show the races and put some dough into these women's squads, or what?

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