It's Yer Most 'a Week One Vuelta a Espana ('n' Nother Stuff) Roundup!

What Happened: yeah, you saw it: they rolled off a glass thingie, the uphills started almost instantaneously, Chris Horner redeemed RadioSkank's whole season grabbing the leader's jersey then lost it on some crap split to Nibali who really oughtn't have it so soon 'cause the last thing he needs is to squander the hell outta the squad's energy so early so he better hope Horner hasn't sought weight-stuffing solace in a giant McFlurry binge, Euskaltel is clearly waiting patiently to slaughter everyone this coming week (bite me! are too! and they're really stressed, so stuff it!), there's now officially at least two Saxo-Tinkoff riders Oleg Tinkov won't be breakin' their kneecaps before the end of the season so clearly there's some brains (and legs) left in that troubled operation, and there's been a buncha fast flat stages and I honestly do hope poor psyched out Tyler Farrar wins one 'cuz he really can do it but he's had an awful tough coupla years and has no lead-out to boot so cut him some freakin' slack !@#dammit. Yesterday: your early but clear winner of the 2013 Racejunkie Awards for Agonizing Almost Win o' the year in a truly soul-smooshing nail-biting finish after basically a 174.99k solo time trial by gutsy Tony Martin: Holy crap Tony you've got heart--one of the few performances I've seen of late that really, genuinely qualifies as "epic"!

What's Gonna Happen: this weekend, we finally hit some hills this weekend, baby, and it's time for (1) Samu' to take back some time, (2) Rodriguez to spit Horner off the podium like a glommy scrappy lougie; and (3) Valverde to either (a) make a spectacular move or (b) have a spectacular crack. Dear little retired-but-all-kindsa-into-youth-cycling-and-still-happy-riding-his-bike-and-hangin'-with-his-kids 2008 Tour de France champ Carlos Sastre's assessment: not really properly deferential to Sanchez's fabulousness, but bettin' on long-ago-and-admittedly-underrated ex-teammate Purito for an inevitable if-not-now-soon Grand Tour victory, and correctly pegging Euskaltel's Mikel Nieve as Spanish star o' the future. So we still love you Sastre!

'Nother Stuff Roundup: Cadel's not gonna ride the Tour anymore because he doesn't think he can win, but for a purported run at the Worlds Contador is drastically downscaling his expectations after a crap 2013, Wiggo has completely conceded defeat, Cav honestly misses the track, disgusting vindictive sycophant/enabler Pat "Dick" McQuaid continues to try to wreck the sport I can even believe he thinks he loves, and anyone who ever, *ever*, EVER uses the glorious Giro and/or Vuelta as also-rans to the Tour because they can't bag the Grand Boucle doesn't deserve to win those far-cooler races anyway. Oh, and Thomas "the Grimace" Voeckler nabbed a stage win after his indifferent July at the Tour-of-Sorry-I-Really-Suck-At-Spelling-Stuff-In-French-No-Diss-Intended, so right on to him, and here, his fine victory: Okay, it's on to Land o' No Blog Coverage for a coupla days, so Vuelta fans, enjoy the race!