Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Giorgia! Tommeke! A Whole Buncha Races! Euskaltel!

Third Time's a--Holy !@#$ She's Fast!: yes, while the women's peloton fights for its Tour de France, right now it's at least got its Route de France, except that it pretty much belongs to Wiggle-Honda speeding bullet Giorgia Bronzini, who bagged her third straight stage win today as Emma Johansson somehow kept the GC. Tomorrow: the rest of the peloton kicks back with a beer and some nachos just shakin' their heads as she takes it, *again*. Brava Giorgia you bad-!@#!

Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay ('Cause He Sure Can't Sit on His Saddle): and, erstwhile Belgian studpup dear Tom Boonen, already beset with freak infections and other injuries all season, has been stricken *again*, now nutwhacked (literally) for at least a month by a vicious groinal saddle cyst. Reached for comment at home, Boonen reportedly said, "ow, !@#$!" Dang, first Basso, now Tommeke--good luck airing out the works Tom, and maybe think about changing yer chamois (and/or cremes) ahead of next season if yours ain't hitting you right!

Races!: meantime, as save-Euskaltel-dammit's Samuel Sanchez gets ready to slug it out with some other Vuelta faves at the Tour of Burgos, Thor Hushovd, hot off his two wins at the Tour of Poland, is now ready to take on the Arctic Race of Norway. Race highlight: the riders and hungry local polar bears go mano-a-claw for musettes in the midday feed zone on the clearly decisive Stage 2. Ride fast, boys--or else! Back here in the US, the Tour of Utah's already underway as Andy Schleck gets ready to be lionized for just hangin' in there at the upcoming USA Pro Challenge. Oh, come on, just let Jensie off the leash and let baby Schleck fend for himself--he'll be fine next season when he's got Frank back anyway!

Cannibals! Cannibals I Tells Ya!: finally, despite Euskaltel's smashing late season performance, rumors are increasing by the day as to where stars like Mikel Nieve and Igor Anton are gonna head next season, and frankly, if you're all too damn cheap to chip in with me to save the team, I say we just take the money buy a !@#$load of Basque wine and get freakin' loaded til the end of transfer season and all the WorldTour contracts are signed 'cause I for one simply can't take the pain. And at least we'll have something to toast the squad's fabulous farewell performance in the Vuelta! Oh, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Oleg Tinkov, *somebody*--save us loyal Carrot fans from this horrid fate and keep Euskaltel alive!


Rosemary said...

Worse than all that is that Tom is considering.....RETIRING!

(And seriously, the guy rode a time trial standing up due to a delicate injury in the most personal of places....so you know it' gotta be bad!!!)

racejunkie said...

What?! I hadn't heard that! No, Tom, no! I am certain he has another 2012 in 'im!

Rosemary said...