Thursday, August 15, 2013

Euskaltel-Euskadi Ain't Dead Yet; and, News From the Department of Who Gives a !@#$?

Euskaltel, American Squad?: yes, Euskaltel head honcho (and former rider) Igor Gonzalez de Galdeano has, in contrast to a rumored "today" deadline and earlier suggestions that the boys were free to fly outta the nest, confirmed that the riders aren't *yet* free to go--the team now plans to hold off on an announcement of its fate until (1) the start of the Vuelta or (2) September 1 at the latest. Great, way to psych our dear carrots out for their last potential major race (aaaiiiiggghhhhh!) in orange and black! Latest talk: merger with a freakin' *American* team, which means (1) if Euskaltel does this, and moves here, and ditches their kit, and destroys their philosophy, and hoses over Samuel Sanchez, I'll cry; and (2) uh....yeah, I'll cry. !@#dammit Euskaltel, just sort this out already--my tender innocent heart can't stand the suspense! Look, look, see what bitchin' bikes they ride--how can you *not* give them tons of dough?

No Way! *Way*!: look, in an ideal world, I think everyone who ever doped should be barred from cycling for life. In fact, any obnoxious self-serving asshat who makes a big sanctimonious snake-oil wah-wah after they got popped and themselves had to compete against dirty people or justify their sick Swiss bank accounts should be banned for life *twice*. And for anyone who did that *and* claims they totally coincidentally stopped doping right when the statute of limitations on getting in trouble ran out in 2006--which is funny 'cause I seem to recall like 8000 !@#$in' positives in the 2008 Tour alone--they oughta get a bonus giant kick in the nuts. But realistically back here on Planet Earth, if we did all that, the only people we'd have left to run the whole show'd be like one soigneur a coupla mechanics and a towel boy. So, in the spirit of anti-doping in which I firmly believe, can I say in all honesty I actually don't give a !@#$ that Andreas Klier--what? a rider from Telekom? nuh-*uh*, you liars!--doped in 2005? Did he win 7 Tours? Orchestrate one of the most successful and lucrative systemic doping programs in history? Make it his golden-hero hypocrite life's work to go all destroyer-thug on anyone who fairly called bull!@#$ and threatened his power? No? Then congratulations, we've got a garden-variety jerkface in the house--bad, bad boy Andreas, can we get back to anti-doping efforts that matter *now*?

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