It's Yer Vuelta-n-Other-Stuff Newsbites, Poetic-Like!

The time has come, the narcs all said,
To talk of many things;
Like why Alberto's lost his punch,
And from whence Purito's wings.
Valverde always creeps us out,
While Froome is justly slow;
But since they'll all test squeaky-clean,
I guess we'll never know.

Tyler's got a new book out,
In which he speaks his piece,
Of how Lance tried to buy him off,
And lessons learned from Riis.
USADA's got its witch-hunt on
With Lance's rocker chick,
Whose singing now could really help
Those doping charges stick.

So lesson learned for newbie pros
Turned off by all this crap:
If you're gonna do the drugs,
For God's sake, shut yer yap!