Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It's Yer Pre-Worlds (Beefcake) Roundup!

House of Pain: yes, it's almost time for the World Championships, dear reader(s), and with the Spaniards sending an obscenely talented squad that may simply crush itself under its own firepower, the Belgians sending Tom Boonen, and the Brits of course sending Mark Cavendish, my dilemma is, for the men's race (since Georgia Bronzini is taking the women's--is too!), do I root for multi-world champ/imminently retiring Oscar Freire, who seems to be at this moment miraculously free from whatever !@#-dissolving saddlesore, freak vertebral injury, fan-wielded buckshot wound, or spontaneous wrist combustion he's usually battling, or for dear redeemed Tommeke, back on top and ready to kick an already-nostalgic Cav's butt on the finish of the Cauberg if Gilbert didn't out-prep him doing the Vuelta? As a little reminder, I bring you Roubaix: Yap, Gilbert, yap--ya got two stages at the Vuelta, allez allez Tom!

Aw, *Suck*!: in other Worlds news, this year we're seeing for the first time the intro of the team time trial, which is sponsor-team, not national-team, based, which means I'm gonna sit there and mope while we love Euskaltel-Euskadi gets screwed, *again*. Geez, give these guys a chance, willya--at least make it one big straight uphill or something!

Fast Car: meantime, Filippo Pozzato and his fans are outraged over his vicious 3-month ban for paying (alleged!) Lance dope doc Dr. Michele Ferrari $50,000 over 6 years for "training advice," which also keeps him off the national squad for life (leaving Paolo Bettini with a pack of 23 year olds and the spotless Vincenzo Nibali for the Worlds, incidentally), and I gotta say, I really do sympathize with poor Pippo and this ridiculous suggestion of any possible wrongdoing on his part. After all, what else were all those Operacion Puerto boys doing visiting Dr. Eufemiano "Gyno to the Male Stars" Fuentes back in the day, if not to merely receive his "training advice" on, uh, how to perfect their valuable ladyparts Kegel exercises? Anyway, it seems Pippo is handling the stress of exile pretty well, and if he's not, who cares? He'll be back, um, training in no time!:

Lookin' Good, Alberto!: finally, good news for Alberto Contador: as thanks for taking the Vuelta a Espana right as Tyler Hamilton was throwing his ol' team boss to the sharks, Bjarne's rewarded Contador with contract extensions for two of his favorite domestiques. Keep it comin', Bjarne--surely you can convince Saxo and Tinkoff to toss you a little more dough to round out the roster *now*?

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