Wednesday, February 01, 2012

6 Days (Yeah, Right) 'Til Judgement Day, Alberto!

Home Sweet Home ('Til CAS Lets Him Off): yes, aside from a planned one-day sojourn to the Challenge Mallorca, Alberto Contador has reportedly returned home to barricade himself in his bathroom with his maillot jaune, 2010 Tour de France trophy, blankie, and some serious American-style weap--uh, to await his CAS verdict, and so far as I can tell that leaves six more days for Bjarne Riis to either (1) still be a professional cycling manager or (2) grow so obscenely rich for betting on this kid that he can maybe even afford to buy him a domestique next year in addition to his spankin' new private island in the Caribbean. No pressure, Alberto--just your personal legacy and the jobs of like 60 innocent victims!

French Kiss-Off: and, I see Vuelta a Espana mountains monster David Moncoutie is calling it a career on the Tour de France, focusing on defending his 5th King of the Mountains title in August instead, thereby leaving, I calculate, the number of French Riders Who Don't Suck At Their Own Grand Tour at a humiliating three, namely Sandy Casar, Thomas Voeckler (and God knows that saved 'em), and...uh....um....well, I hear that "Hinault" guy was pretty good back in the day! Oh, come on David, sure it'll screw your Vuelta, but *someone's* gotta take one for the team...

Baby Got (Cadel's) Back: meantime, it's truly heartening to see the ever-gracious Thor Hushovd commit to put his "full weight" behind Cadel at the Tour, which means, given Thor's 2011 performance in the mountains, this is the 1st time poor Cadel won't be left completely alone 90% of the time in the heights. Of course, if Cadel weren't Cadel and all, I'd rather see Thor throw his "full weight" *on* 'im for the Tour, but anyway, damn, BMC, you can't even spring for a bicycle for the guy to ride this year?

Ladies Night (Day, Whatever): and, the season is off to a fine start at the women's Tour of Qatar, with Kirsten Wild whangin' the heck out of a stellar field of sprinters, just in time to get in a couple hours selling Tupperware to pay her own salary before it was time to hit the hay. Pat "Dick" you loathesome cheapskate, quit whining about Paul Kimmage telling the truth about your being an oily disgusting Armstrong-slurpin' doper-enabler and get your lazy !@# out the chair to raise some dough for the women!

Who Gives A !@#$ About Contador, Don Cornelius of Soul Train is Dead!: R.I.P. Mr. Cornelius. You were the soundtrack to my childhood. Wishing you love, peace, and *soul*!

2 comments:

Doug said...

That's all right, CAS, just drag the sport of bike racing behind your pickup like some deranged redneck 'till the flesh is flayed off its bones. May the ghost of Tom Simpson inject an overdose of something into the veins of the CAS so their heads literally explode. Justice deferred is justice denied. Somebody who was famous a long time ago said that.

Jez Andrews said...

Totally agree about underfunding in women's cycling but until television and journalists give them more tv, page time then sponsors aren't going to cough up. The racing is just as exciting so it is infuriating but this is typical in so many sports. Not sure of the answer.

As for Dick.....f@#$$*&g leave Paul Kimage alone. He's trying to make a difference to the sport......and is one of my hero......so back off!! Grrrr