Kumbayah My !@#!

Andy Strikes Back: okay, enough of this "supporting Contador" Love Boat crap--baby Schleck can see where public favor is turning, and he's suddenly pissed off all over again about last year's Tour de France "Chaingate." Way to capitalize on Contador's downfall, Andy--that takes class! Sure, Alberto could've shown some in the first place--but am I the only one starting to agree with Carlos Sastre that riders oughta stop being such white-glove crumpet-nibbling crybabies, suck up the occasional mechanical, and just race? At least blame the win on his drug use, Andy--dang!

How Now, Brown Cow?: speaking of whom, more bad news for Alberto--as the boy submits his ill-advised appeal, the narcs've traced the farm his clenbuterol-snorting steak came from, and honey, those cattle are *clean.* Hey, I call bull!@#$, WADA--*everyone* knows those cloven-hooved scumlords use masking agents!

On the Radio: meantime, the riders are striking left and right over the UCI's race radio ban, and while I wholly sympathize with their safety arguments, I gotta say that, besides the fact that Robbie McEwen wants 'em and, I'm pretty sure, could still actually clinically rip my face off with his index fingers, I sympathize even more with the notion that at least a coupla these jokers oughtn't to be allowed to even pin their own numbers on without strict parental oversight. And really, how else are we gonna catch a DS telling his rider to d--that is, pedal faster?

What the Hell Is Wrong With You?: y'know, when I first read on tuttobici this morning that Riccardo Ricco' was taken to the hospital with "kidney failure", my first thought was "!@#$, I hope that kid didn't hurt himself doping." My second thought was, "RJ, don't be such an !@#hole!" Which I may well be, but it turns out, not for that reason, because apparently he *did* almost kill himself doping. Riccardo, I truly hope you get better--because some people, of course, never had that chance. But what are you, a !@#$in' eejit? You're barely old enough to spawn, Ricco'. You've barely had time to do *anything*. Is a freakin' trophy and a smack on the cheek from a podium babe worth leaving your kid fatherless merely to satisfy your own insatiable ambition? Thinking of a smack on the cheek...count yourself lucky if Vania Rossi only lectures your moron !@#, you punk! And no thanks for completely dishonoring the memory of the late Aldo Sassi, dirtbag! Geez. Stay safe, the stinkin' dopin' lot of you, willya?

Hey Na, Hey Na, Tom Boonen's Back!: finally, in actual racing news--and boy, thank goodness there finally is some after this ridiculous winter--as a stage-winning Heinrich "I Don't Get No Respect" Haussler still whines to everyone that Cav crashed him out last year, 2011's shaping up to be a banner year for the sprints and Classics after all: yep, big Tom Boonen's whomped the field in Qatar and even held on to the leader's jersey after today's stage. Keep it up, big guy--we poor tifosi've gotta have *someone* we can believe in this season! Here's the Tornado in action: Woo-hoo Tommeke!